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The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. v. 5
In this contemporary era, upbringing a child has a huge impact on parents. There is an argument rise whether both the parents are equally responsible for raising their child. I strongly agree that it’s both the parent onus to up bring their child, making an equal contribution. Firstly, the child loves the company of both the parent and it encourages him to move forward on a positive attitude. When children get attention equally from both the sides, it makes them learn better and become a good citizen. This scenario can only be seen when the mother and father make effort to up bring their child by sharing duties equally. For example, in this 21st century, both the parent goes to work. And do not have enough time to spend time with the child. In this situation, they should have the proper time management to give his/her child the quality time and can fulfill all his/her requirements. Furthermore, it is always advisable to split the child work equally among both the parent with good understanding. So, that it should not burden on one side. In some scenario where the child gets single attention can lead problems in their behavior and also some time leads to psychological disorders. For instance, one of my friend’s children was not attended with the equal care he deserves from both the parent. As there was no proper conversation with him, he got a problem in his speech and some other issues as well. In conclusion, I strongly believe that both the parent have equal responsibility in raising a child for his betterment. In this way, there are growing a responsible youth, a future husband or wife and last but not the least a good human being.
In this contemporary era, upbringing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has a huge impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. There is an argument rise whether both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equally
responsible for raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it’s both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
onus to up bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, making an equal contribution.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and it encourages him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude. When children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equally
from both the sides, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them learn better and become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen. This scenario can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
when the mother and father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
effort to up bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
by sharing duties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equally
.
For example
, in this 21st century, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
goes to work. And do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. In this situation, they should have the proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management to give his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
the quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and can fulfill all his/her requirements.

Furthermore
, it is always advisable to split the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equally
among both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding.
“So , that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, that
it should not burden on one side. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scenario where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
single attention can lead problems in their behavior and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
leads to psychological disorders.
For instance
, one of my friend’s children was not attended with the equal care he deserves from both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. As there was no proper conversation with him, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a problem in his speech and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other issues
as well
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
have equal responsibility in raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
for his betterment. In this way, there are growing a responsible youth, a future husband or wife and last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
human being.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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