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The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v.2

There's no doubt that most people wish to have a baby, but babies have big responsibilities that must be shared between the parents. I completely agree with this statement. This essay will discuss the reason behind my opinion and relevant examples. First of all, it's unfair to one of the parents to have all the responsibilities on their own, especially when the two parents are working. It's impossible for the mother to look after the child and do all the household chores by herself. Marriage is about sharing; it includes sharing all the responsibilities together. For instance, fathers can be involved in teaching the child when the mother is busy and vice versa. In addition, the father can also share more responsibilities as dropping them to school and getting them to bed. From my personal experience, I live in a large family, I have 6 siblings it could be hard on my mother to teach all of the 7 children if my dad didn't help her. Secondly, if the child spent his time with one of his parents it could affect his mental health. In other words, if one parent took all the lead in bringing up the child, it would affect the overall development of the child's mind. This is because the child will always feel like there is a missing piece. The child might not have the ability to share because he couldn’t see it in his life. In conclusion, although having a child is a dream of many, people should think seriously about the responsibilities and the child's needs first.
There's no doubt that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wish to have a baby,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
babies have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shared
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. This essay will discuss the reason behind my opinion and relevant examples.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, it's unfair to one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to have all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
especially
when the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working. It's impossible for the mother to look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and do all the household chores by herself. Marriage is about sharing; it includes sharing all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
together.
For instance
, fathers can
be involved
in teaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
when the mother is busy and vice versa.
In addition
, the father can
also
share more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
as dropping them to school and getting them to bed. From my personal experience, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a large family, I have 6 siblings it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on my mother to teach
Consider using “all the”.
all of the
7 children if my dad didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her.

Secondly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
spent his time with one of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
it could affect his mental health.
In other words
, if one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
took all the lead in bringing up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, it would affect the
overall
development of the child's mind. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will always feel like there is a missing piece. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
might not have the ability to share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it in his life.

In conclusion
, although having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is a dream of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
seriously
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
and the child's needs
first
.
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IELTS essay The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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