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The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. v.3

The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. v. 3
It is commonly said that the character of the kids is a direct mirror of their parents' moral values. Because of this, many believe that mother and father are responsible for the upbringing of their child. I completely agree and believe that the nurturing of the children should be equally done by both parents. Not only does sharing the responsibility of kids brings the partners together and keeps them bonded, but it also makes the children feel safe and secure and hence more efficient in life. As it is usually seen, a very strong factor essential for a married couple is their child. If the parents divide the duties towards their kid, it puts less burden on both of them. For example, if the mother is busy with her job someday, the father can take care of the kid. Apart from this, it also brings them closer, and sharing responsibility makes them feel loved and affectionate with each other. Even the worst tension can resolve by spending more time together and working towards a common goal. Thus, co-parenting re-ignites the spark between the couple. Similarly, it is beneficial for the kid as well. The statistics reveal that the school performance of the students brought up by a mutual effort of both parents is far better than those having either a broken family or some issue between their parents. Although kids root for their mothers in the case of most of the emotional problems, they prefer to resort to their dads when it comes to talking or making a mature decision. Thus, it makes them feel secure and depending upon the situation they always have someone to talk to. Such a confidence is absolutely important for them to grow into good people. Therefore, each parent has an evident role in moulding their children. Hence, I firmly believe that both parents should co-share the responsibility of raising their children as it is necessary for the betterment of the entire family. While it is useful for the relation of the parents, at the same time such division of the duties makes children feel safe and boosts their morale.
It is
commonly
said that the character of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is a direct mirror of their parents' moral values.
Because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that mother and father are responsible for the upbringing of their child. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and believe that the nurturing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
equally
done by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes sharing".
does sharing
the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
brings the partners together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them bonded,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
safe and secure and
hence
more efficient in life.

As it is
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong factor essential for a married couple is their child. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
divide the duties towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
, it puts less burden on both of them.
For example
, if the mother is busy with her job someday, the father can take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
. Apart from this, it
also
brings them closer, and sharing responsibility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and affectionate with each other. Even the worst tension can resolve by spending more time together and working towards a common goal.
Thus
, co-parenting re-ignites the spark between the couple.

Similarly
, it is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
as well
. The statistics reveal that the school performance of the students brought up by a mutual effort of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is far better than those having either a broken family or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issue between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
root for their mothers in the case of most of the emotional problems, they prefer to resort to their dads when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to talking or making a mature decision.
Thus
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
secure and depending upon the situation they always have someone to talk to. Such a confidence is
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to grow into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
has an evident role in
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
their children.

Hence
, I
firmly
believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should co-share the responsibility of raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it is necessary for the betterment of the entire family. While it is useful for the relation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, at the same time such division of the duties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
safe and boosts their morale.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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