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The rapid growth of cities today has led to the appearance of a large number of slums What are some problems associated with these poor and underdeveloped urban areas What solutions could be proposed v.2

The rapid growth of cities today has led to the appearance of a large number of slums What are some problems associated with these poor and underdeveloped urban areas What solutions could be proposed v. 2
These days, more and more people are moving from the countryside to the city. This has caused an increase in the number of slums, which has lead to a number of negative effects. In this essay I will discuss the issues associated with slums, and offer some measures to tackle this problem. There are a variety of issues which arise due to the appearance of slums. First of all, residents who live below the poverty line are often forced to turn to crime to make ends meet. The result of this is that crime rates in slums are higher than in other parts of the city. Secondly, because slums lack basic infrastructure such as sanitation and waste-removal systems, the amount of trash rises, which in turn leads to an increase in pollution. If people live in areas of poor sanitation, they frequently develop health problems, such as illnesses from drinking dirty water. There are a number of measures which can be taken to solve the problems which are caused by urbanization. One viable solution in the long term is decentralization. If town councils move industries, offices and businesses out of the city centre to rural areas, then fewer people will migrate to urban areas. In order to encourage people and businesses to relocate, local governments should invest in the infrastructure and facilities in those areas. In conclusion, it must be said that slums and urban sprawl have become a complex issue with no easy solutions. However, to my mind, the best solution would be to encourage businesses to relocate to rural areas. If the government implements this policy, it will provide a better life for future generations.
These days, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving from the countryside to the city. This has caused an increase in the number of slums, which has lead to a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. In this essay I will discuss the issues associated with slums, and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to tackle this problem.

There are a variety of issues which arise due to the appearance of slums.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, residents who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
below the poverty line are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forced to turn to crime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. The result of this is that crime rates in slums are higher than in other parts of the city.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
slums lack basic infrastructure such as sanitation and waste-removal systems, the amount of trash rises, which in turn leads to an increase in pollution. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of poor sanitation, they
frequently
develop health problems, such as illnesses from drinking dirty water.

There are a number of measures which can
be taken
to solve the problems which
are caused
by urbanization. One viable solution in the long term is decentralization. If town councils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
industries, offices and businesses out of the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, then fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will migrate to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. In order to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and businesses to relocate, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should invest in the infrastructure and facilities in those areas.

In conclusion
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be said
that slums and urban sprawl have become a complex issue with no easy solutions.
However
, to my mind, the best solution would be to encourage businesses to relocate to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
implements this policy, it will provide a better life for future generations.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The rapid growth of cities today has led to the appearance of a large number of slums What are some problems associated with these poor and underdeveloped urban areas What solutions could be proposed v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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