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The rapid growth of cities today has led to the appearance of a large number of slums What are some problems associated with these poor and underdeveloped urban areas What solutions could be proposed v.1

The rapid growth of cities today has led to the appearance of a large number of slums What are some problems associated with these poor and underdeveloped urban areas What solutions could be proposed v. 1
Of late, imparting knowledge of music to children has become an essential part of the school curriculum everywhere in the world. Although it is believed by some that music plays an important role in children's development by enhancing their outlook and sharpens self-awareness, while others differ. In this essay, I will examine both these views and explain why I agree that the education of music should be promoted in schools. To commence with, providing knowledge of music to children has been the need of the hour. Music, in whichever form, such as instrumental or classical provides a soothing effect to the mind and body of the students. The growth of humans is directly attributed to the positive aspects of music as it provides an impetus for the physical and psychological development of the pupils. For instance, research conducted at Western Sydney University reveals that 60% of students who have got early access to music in school outperformed their peers in higher education and in the sports domain as well. Furthermore, if school kids are exposed to music in early school life, then it would help them to develop niche music skills, thereby allowing them to follow it as a professional career. On the flip side, other people, however, do not support music education in school. These people are of the misconception that it would result in wasting precious time of children that they would have, otherwise, utilized in studying the core subjects such as Science, Mathematics, or Geography. Thus, to these supporters, spending money on music is a waste of the school’s tangible resources and parents' tuition fees. To conclude, although it is believed by some that school should prohibit and discard music classes in schools, I opine that music should be an indispensable part of the student’s curriculum as it will help in the overall development of the children. Therefore, all the necessary measures should be adopted by schools to persuade parents to encourage their children to learn music.
Of late, imparting knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has become an essential part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum everywhere in the world. Although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in children's development by enhancing their outlook and sharpens self-awareness, while others differ. In this essay, I will examine both these views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be promoted
in schools.

To commence with, providing knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has been the need of the hour.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
, in whichever form, such as instrumental or classical provides a soothing effect to the mind and body of the students. The growth of humans is
directly
attributed to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as it provides an impetus for the physical and psychological development of the pupils.
For instance
, research conducted at Western Sydney University reveals that 60% of students who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
early access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
outperformed their peers in higher education and in the sports domain
as well
.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
kids
are exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life, then it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop niche
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, thereby allowing them to follow it as a professional career.

On the flip side, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
, do not support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the misconception that it would result in wasting precious time of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they would have,
otherwise
, utilized in studying the core subjects such as Science, Mathematics, or Geography.
Thus
, to these supporters, spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a waste of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school’s
tangible resources and parents' tuition fees.

To conclude
, although it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should prohibit and discard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
classes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be an indispensable part of the student’s curriculum as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the
overall
development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, all the necessary measures should
be adopted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to persuade parents to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay The rapid growth of cities today has led to the appearance of a large number of slums What are some problems associated with these poor and underdeveloped urban areas What solutions could be proposed v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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