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An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it?

An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it? v. 2
It is well said that today's kids are the prominent future. It has become extremely important to take of care of younger once. Nowadays number of kids are more likely prone towards fast food and aerated drinks which are hazardous for the health and do not provide much nutrition and leads to obesity. In this essay I will emphasize on the problems associated with such poor diet food on children's health. To begin with, more and more types of fast food are promoted in the surrounding. This leads in the craving to eat such food among children. A tremendous inclination is found towards fast food in children. On the contrary Consuming such foods and aerated drinks leads to obesity whereas, obesity has it's own associated problems. These can make a child lazy and less interested in physical activities. On the other hand, it causes many diseases at their younger age. In current situation, a child is suffering from diabetes, heart problems, kidney failure add many more. For example a 15 year young child in my relatives is facing diabetes at his extremely junior age. In my opinion, parents should take care of their kid's diet and try to feed them with much nutritious food. For instance, preparing food that are similar to fast food but contains more proteins and nutrients. Furthermore, developing awareness about the cons of fast food are much essential among children. In addition to it, kids should be encourage for physical activities and exercises however this will lead to the good health. In conclusion, obesity in children has adverse effect on their health which may leads to vast risky health issues. Parents should try to prepare healthy food and feed to their kids which looks alike fast food at home. This can improve the nutrition habits in them and provide them with hygiene food.
It is well said that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are the prominent future. It has become
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take of care of younger once. Nowadays number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are more likely prone towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and aerated drinks which are hazardous for the health and do not provide much nutrition and leads to obesity. In this essay I will emphasize on the problems associated with such poor diet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on children's health.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, more and more types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are promoted
in the surrounding. This leads in the craving to eat such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A tremendous inclination
is found
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
On the contrary
Consuming such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and aerated drinks leads to obesity whereas, obesity has
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
associated problems. These can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child lazy and less interested in physical activities.

On the other hand
, it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases at their younger age. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation, a child is suffering from diabetes, heart problems, kidney failure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
For example
a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "15-year"
15 year
young child in my relatives is facing diabetes at his
extremely
junior age. In my opinion, parents should take care of their kid's diet and try to feed them with much nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For instance
, preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that are similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
contains more proteins and nutrients.
Furthermore
, developing awareness about the cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are much essential among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should be
Consider using the past participle "encouraged"?
encourage
for physical activities and exercises
however
this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

In conclusion
, obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has adverse effect on their health which may leads to vast risky health issues. Parents should try to prepare healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and feed to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
which looks alike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the nutrition habits in them and provide them with hygiene
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
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IELTS essay An increasing number of children have become hooked on fast food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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