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Children ore facing more pressures nowadays from acaedemic, social, and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressuresand what masures should be taken to reduce lhese pressures? v.2

Children ore facing more pressures nowadays from acaedemic, social, and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressuresand what masures should be taken to reduce lhese pressures? v. 2
It is commonly said that today' s children are pressurized and are facing harder and harder academic, social and commercial challenges. This essay intends to discuss the causes of these pressures and suggest some measures to alleviate the problem. I believe that children must be shielded from such mounting pressures. There are many academic pressures on children. Today' s child is not competing with the child next door, or even of one' s town or country. He is competing with the child of the globalvillage. The big planet Earth of yesteryears is a small well-linked global village of today. Parents want their children to excel in every field. They send their children to the best schools, where the school bag is often heavier than the child himself. Even after school hours there are private tuitions. Children don' t have time to bloom and bring out their hidden talents. There are also many social and commercial pressures. Socially, the children of today are in a huge dilemma' They want to adopt the global culture, whereas their parents force them to confine themselves to the traditions. This sometimes makes them rebel against the rules laid by their elders. Then, they also face peer pressure, which can be good if their peers are good, and bad if their peers are not disciplined. This peer pressure coupled with the consumerist society of today can lead to a lot of stress and strain on children. They see the latest models of cell phones and other items with their peers and want to buy them. When they are unable to do so, they get stressed. The solutions are not simple. Children have to be handled with great care. Parents should have realistic expectations from their children. They should have a pro-active approach and give time to their children. The biggest onus is on the schools and teachers. They should strive to bring out the best in every child and competition and co-operation should both be taught simultaneously. The aim of competition should not be to win at all cost. Children have to be taught to win with modesty and lose with grace. To summarise, there is no doubt that the children of today are facing so many pressures, but steps should be taken on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood. Otherwise, these pressures will stifle the physical and psychological growth of children.
It is
commonly
said that
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today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are pressurized
and are facing harder and harder academic, social

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
commercial challenges. This essay intends to discuss the causes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
and suggest
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
some


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
measures
to alleviate the problem. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shielded
from such mounting pressures.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is not competing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
next
door,
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
or


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
even
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s town or country. He is competing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
globalvillage
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
planet Earth
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
yesteryears
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
well-linked global village of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
. Parents want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to excel in every field.

They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
bag is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heavier than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
himself.

“Even after” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours there are private
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have time to bloom and bring out
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
their


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hidden
talents.

There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social and commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
.
Socially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are in a huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
dilemma&
#039;

They want to adopt the global culture, whereas their parents force them to confine themselves to the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
traditions
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them rebel against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
laid by their elders. Then, they
also
face peer

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
pressure
, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if their peers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
if their peers are not disciplined. This
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
peer


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
pressure
coupled with the consumerist society of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and strain on children.

They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the latest models of cell phones and other items with their peers and want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them. When

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
are unable to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.

The solutions are not simple.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be handled
with great care. Parents should have
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
realistic


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
expectations
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They should have a pro-active approach and give time to their children.

The biggest onus is on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teachers. They should strive to bring out the best in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
competition
and co-operation should both
be taught
simultaneously
. The aim of competition should not
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
be


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
win at all cost.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taught
to win with modesty and lose with grace.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, there is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steps should

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
be
taken on a war footing to protect their innocent childhood.
Otherwise
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
will stifle the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
physical
and psychological growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Mistakes

IELTS essay Children ore facing more pressures nowadays from acaedemic, social, and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressuresand what masures should be taken to reduce lhese pressures? v. 2

Essay
  American English
24 paragraphs
398 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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