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Some people believe that children should have important lessons other than classes in school tgat is visiting local businessess or public buildings To what extend do you agree or dis agree v.1

Some people believe that children should have important lessons other than classes in school tgat is visiting local businessess or public buildings 1
In today’s modern world, technology has become a basic part of our lives. It has been observed that kids these days spent too much time on computers and other electronic devices. This essay agrees that children should be encouraged to spend more time outside playing sports as it can help them live a healthy life and also to develop people skills. Excessive usage of technology by children has become a major concern for parents across the globe. It has been observed that due to fewer physical activities many children these days have health-related issues such as obesity and cognitive disorder. For example, a study was conducted on school kids, and the results clearly showed that the children who were actively taking part in outside sports were better in learning than those who don’t play outside games or sports at all. Moreover, the study also confirmed that the children who weren't spending time outsides playing games were mostly overweight. Another concern has been raised by some parents and schools is that the kids these days lack people skills. It has been observed that kids who play sports have better soft skills such as teamwork, communication, and empathy. For example, a study was conducted on high school kids, and the results reflected that students who like to play outside sports were a better team player and quick in solving problems. Therefore, children should be encouraged to spend more time on sports and other outside games as it can help them grow mentally and physically. In conclusion, although technology has become an important part of our lives, parents should limit the usage of computers and other electric devices by their children. Moreover, it has been observed that kids, those who spend more time playing outside are better than others in terms of physical and mental health and personal abilities.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world, technology has become a basic part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
these days spent too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
electronic devices. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life and
also
to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Excessive usage of technology by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has become a major concern for parents across the globe. It has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
that due to fewer physical activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days have health-related issues such as obesity and cognitive disorder.
For example
, a study
was conducted
on school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, and the results
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
actively
taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in learning than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don’t play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
games or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at all.
Moreover
, the study
also
confirmed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
weren't spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outsides
playing games were
mostly
overweight.

Another concern has
been raised
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents and schools is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
these days lack
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork, communication, and empathy.
For example
, a study
was conducted
on high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, and the results reflected that students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
were a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
team player and quick in solving problems.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
games as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them grow mentally and
physically
.

In conclusion
, although technology has become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, parents should limit the usage of computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
electric devices by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, it has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than others in terms of physical and mental health and personal abilities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should have important lessons other than classes in school tgat is visiting local businessess or public buildings 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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