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The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.10

The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 10
The importance of attending higher education has raised much concern of the public. Many claim that young people can only be successful with the knowledge learned at university, I, however, strongly believe such qualities should be obtained in both academic institutions and workplace. To begin with, when joining schools with their friends, students can have instant access to career advisors who instruct them to take advantage of the authentic materials of various fields of study. Lessons in universities, in fact, are well planned to place emphasis on building a strong base of knowledge for everyone. By doing this, students have a chance to broaden their horizon before applying theories into practice or researches. Besides, their professional connections are more likely to be established, bringing even advantages to them when it comes to business cooperation in the future. In addition, experience at schools is far from enough without further advancement. During the time studying at universities, everyone should be active in seeking for their internship opportunities so that they can get closer to be under the employment of a multinational company. This way, they have higher chances to encounter many problems in the workplace, training themselves in terms of fostering soft skills including decision making or negotiation. Moreover, participating in workshops in forms of experience sharing sessions will be a big help to learn from the experts in the industry. Students wanting to set their own business, for example, can look for business conference where professional speakers present a method in education investment. The more open they are, the more successful they can be in the long run. In summary, to my way of thinking, having a prosperous future depends not only on experience at schools, but also that in workplace or social events. Students are advised to both gain enough academic knowledge at school and develop their interpersonal skills when attending social activities.
The importance of attending higher education has raised much concern of the public.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
claim that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be successful with the knowledge learned at university, I,
however
,
strongly
believe such qualities should
be obtained
in both academic institutions and workplace.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
with their friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have instant access to career advisors who instruct them to take advantage of the authentic materials of various fields of study. Lessons in universities, in fact, are well planned to place emphasis on building a strong base of knowledge for everyone. By doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a chance to broaden their horizon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying theories into practice or researches.
Besides
, their professional connections are more likely to
be established
, bringing even advantages to them when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to business cooperation in the future.

In addition
, experience at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is far from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
without
further
advancement. During the time studying at universities, everyone should be active in seeking for their internship opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer to be under the employment of a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This way, they have higher chances to encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in the workplace, training themselves in terms of fostering soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
including
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
or negotiation.
Moreover
, participating in workshops in forms of experience sharing sessions will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to learn from the experts in the industry.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
wanting to set their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business,
for example
, can look for business conference where professional speakers present a method in education investment. The more open they are, the more successful they can be in the long run.

In summary, to my way of thinking, having a prosperous future depends not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on experience at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
that in workplace or social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
are advised
to both gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
academic knowledge at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and develop their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when attending social activities.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The qualities and skills that a person requires to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or other academic institutions. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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