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Government's investment in the arts, such as music and the theater is the waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Government's investment in the arts, such as music and the theater is the waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services. v. 1
There is a tendency to believe that the government should allocate budget for community services instead of wasting that on promoting the fine art. I completely disagree with this view and this essay will discuss some beneficial aspects of arts which need to be more supported. First of all, it should be said that art, as an essential part of every society's culture, brings many advantages which are mostly non-monetary values and other forms of investment cannon offer them. In fact, in various types of artistry, such as visual arts, music, or movie, develop some positive qualities, including creativity, happiness, and plenty of other mental health benefits. Moreover, public arts, enhance the sense of identity and cultural understanding among the community members. For instance, many urban infrastructures have the same appearance all around the world, while, arts, as the platform for showing the nonverbal aspects of culture, are unique and diverse in different countries. As a result, artwork, as well as a public transportation system, or health services, should be considered as a kind of public service for the mental dimension of each society. In addition, in terms of economical aspects, many forms of art, such as music, movie, and theatre, lead to financial support in shot-time, and many other forms of valuable artworks can be profitable in the long-term. For example, painting in a museum, all around the world, usually brings much tourism annually, which is helpful to boost the destination economically. Thus, supporting the arts by government, not only is not a wastage but also leads to economic growth and similarly, the arts, facilitated the preservation of culture, in the form of music, movies, etc. Furthermore, as a way of communication, can build bridges between communities In conclusion, numerous advantages in every society stay preserved in the form of art, which otherwise cannot be retained by any other means. In my opinion, although public welfare is undeniable for the communities, due to some fundamental reasons mentioned above, providing grant and finance for arts by government is compulsory for every country in order to save their cultures.
There is a tendency to believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate budget for community services
instead
of wasting that on promoting the fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. I completely disagree with this view and this essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
which need to be more supported.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it should
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, as an essential part of every society's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages which are
mostly
non-monetary values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of investment cannon offer them. In fact, in various types of artistry, such as visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music, or movie, develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
qualities, including creativity, happiness, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
mental health benefits.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, enhance the sense of identity and cultural understanding among the community members.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
urban infrastructures have the same appearance all around the world, while,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, as the platform for showing the nonverbal aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, are unique and diverse in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
As a result
, artwork,
as well
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation system, or health services, should
be considered
as a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
service for the mental dimension of each society.

In addition
, in terms of economical aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, such as music, movie, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, lead to financial support in shot-time, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of valuable artworks can be profitable in the long-term.
For example
, painting in a museum, all around the world,
usually
brings much tourism
annually
, which is helpful to boost the destination
economically
.
Thus
, supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is not a wastage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
leads to economic growth and
similarly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, facilitated the preservation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of music, movies, etc.
Furthermore
, as a way of communication, can build bridges between communities

In conclusion
, numerous advantages in every society stay preserved in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, which
otherwise
cannot
be retained
by any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
welfare is undeniable for the communities, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fundamental reasons mentioned above, providing grant and finance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is compulsory for every country in order to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Government's investment in the arts, such as music and the theater is the waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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