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The Professor describes the experimental system of road management. Explain how this experiment is related to road users' behavior. v.1

The Professor describes the experimental system of road management. Explain how this experiment is related to road users' behavior. v. 1
Obesity is a worrying concern in many advanced countries and it is predominantly affecting more children increasingly. This essay will discuss the causes of these diseases and the probable effects of the same on children. To begin with, in the advanced countries the number of fast food joints has proliferated in the past decade due to the heavy demand for ready to eat foods, which is considered to be unhealthy and less nutritious and secondly the lack of exercise in one’s daily routine. Because of the high consumption of such food and no exercise, it is imperative that the consequences will be threatening. For example, it was found in a recent study that people who consumed fast food were more likely to get diabetes than those who refrained from it. The main reason for not eating healthy diet and working out is the busy lifestyle of people who are never there to provide and cook for children. The effects of the unhealthy lifestyle and poor diet results in serious consequences such as heart diseases, pulmonary disorders and diabetes to name a few. It also makes the children lethargic and dull, hampering their growth and development. For instance, students who played any kind of sport were found to be more active and mentally stronger than their counterparts. These illnesses affect the lifespan of the child and sometimes result in depression. To conclude, this essay discussed some causes of obesity in young children and its resulting effects which not only hinders the growth and development of the child, but also makes them prone to risky and terminal diseases.
Obesity is a worrying concern in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advanced countries and it is
predominantly
affecting more children
increasingly
. This essay will discuss the causes of these diseases and the probable effects of the same on children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the advanced countries the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints has proliferated in the past decade due to the heavy demand for ready to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which
is considered
to be unhealthy and less nutritious and
secondly
the lack of exercise in one’s daily routine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the high consumption of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and no exercise, it is imperative that the consequences will be threatening.
For example
, it
was found
in a recent study that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consumed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
were more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diabetes than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
refrained from it. The main reason for not eating healthy diet and working out is the busy lifestyle of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are never there to provide and cook for children.

The effects of the unhealthy lifestyle and poor diet results in serious consequences such as heart diseases, pulmonary disorders and diabetes to name a few. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the children lethargic and dull, hampering their growth and development.
For instance
, students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
played any kind of sport
were found
to be more active and mentally stronger than their counterparts. These illnesses affect the lifespan of the child and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
result in depression.

To conclude
, this essay discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of obesity in young children and its resulting effects which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hinders the growth and development of the child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them prone to risky and terminal diseases.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The Professor describes the experimental system of road management. Explain how this experiment is related to road users' behavior. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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