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The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment. Government funding should reflect that. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment. Government funding should reflect that. v. 1
Moving to a new country to start a new life is definitely a big step to take, especially for those who are not able to speak the local language. I think it will not bring about a serious social issue, although I agree that this inability would cause some practical problems, Firstly, people nowadays are quite more open-minded regarding foreigners so it is probable that they will attempt to understand what they are trying to convey. With the current technology that the world has right now, people can make use of language applications designed to help break language barriers so somehow, this can overcome any misunderstanding. Secondly, most countries adopt a common language like English, so more often than not, a foreigner will meet someone who can communicate with him or her; therefore reducing the problems that he or she might encounter. However, one social problem that could occur because of this language barrier is that these foreigners might be isolated by the locals because of their differences. Some locals do not try to socialize with an outsider once they know that he cannot speak their language. Some would even automatically avoid them because they already assumed that because they are from another country, they only know their own native language. Nevertheless, this is not always the case since we are now living in a highly-globalized society and many countries are actually very accommodating to visitors and migrants alike. In conclusion, I agree that the inability to communicate using the locals' language will probably cause misunderstandings, however, these problems will not always result in serious consequences.
Moving to a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new life is definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
step to take,
especially
for those who are not able to speak the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will not bring about a serious social issue, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this inability would cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical problems,

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays are quite more open-minded regarding foreigners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is probable that they will attempt to understand what they are trying to convey. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technology that the world has right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
applications designed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barriers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
somehow, this can overcome any misunderstanding.
Secondly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
adopt a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
like English,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, a foreigner will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
someone who can communicate with him or her;
therefore
reducing the problems that he or she might encounter.

However
, one social problem that could occur
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier is that these foreigners might
be isolated
by the locals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their differences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
locals do not try to socialize with an outsider once they know that he cannot speak their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would even
automatically
avoid them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they already assumed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are from another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Nevertheless
, this is not always the case since we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living in a
highly
-globalized society and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are actually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
accommodating to visitors and migrants alike.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the inability to communicate using the locals'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will
probably
cause misunderstandings,
however
, these problems will not always result in serious consequences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment. Government funding should reflect that. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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