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The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicines. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent to you agree or disagree? v.1

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicines. Government funding should reflect this. v. 1
It is sometimes argued that more money should be spent on preventive measures than treatments, as they are of greater importance. However, I would argue that cure and prevention are equally important when it comes to spending money in these areas. There are several reasons why it can be argued that government should spend money on tackling the causes of diseases. Cost-effectiveness is the key element when placing more importance on these initiatives. By allowing people to have access to these health monitoring strategies, governments can avoid the hefty priced hospitalised treatments or other extravagantly expensive medicines. Take the modified gene coding as an example, the technique of relocating genes in the DNA of human beings can help deliberately avoiding inherited lethal illnesses in newborns such as diabetes. In this way, not only the financial pressure on health care departments can be reduced, but also the painful suffering caused by these contagious sicknesses. Hence, an improved quality of life for those who take these measures is a better alternative. So, if government prioritises preventative approaches as a mandatory element in tackling health problems, people would surely be leading healthy lives in a near future. I also believe that spending on treatments or medicines has of proportionately equal importance as of managing causes. Some diseases are too fatal that cannot be left without an intensive, holistic and advanced treatment. For instance, carcinogenic patients would have never been recovered with ever greater speed today, if huge state budget were not invested to produce chemotherapy. Similarly, without enough government funds for the best possible treatments to vulnerable patients, people' life expectancy will be affected devastatingly. So both these departments should be given equal money to keep them going. In conclusion, governments have to make health reforms properly by investing equally in the cure and prevention of epidemic health illnesses in order to have better outcomes from health deprived people as well as ensuring a healthy and energetic living for them.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should
be spent
on preventive measures than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
, as they are of greater importance.
However
, I would argue that cure and prevention are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in these areas.

There are several reasons why it can
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on tackling the causes of diseases. Cost-effectiveness is the key element when placing more importance on these initiatives. By allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have access to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
monitoring strategies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can avoid the hefty priced
Possible spelling mistake. 'hospitalised' is British English.
hospitalised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
or other
extravagantly
expensive medicines. Take the modified gene coding as an example, the technique of relocating genes in the DNA of human beings can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
deliberately
avoiding inherited lethal illnesses in newborns such as diabetes. In this way, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the financial pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care departments can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the painful suffering caused by these contagious sicknesses.
Hence
, an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
quality of life for those who take these measures is a better alternative.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritises' is British English.
prioritises
preventative approaches as a mandatory element in tackling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
surely
be leading healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a near future.

I
also
believe that spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
or medicines has of
proportionately
equal importance as of managing causes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
diseases are too fatal that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
without an intensive, holistic and advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
.
For instance
, carcinogenic patients would have never
been recovered
with ever greater speed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, if huge state budget were not invested to produce chemotherapy.
Similarly
, without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funds for the best possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
to vulnerable patients,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
' life expectancy will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
devastatingly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
both these departments should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them going.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
reforms
properly
by investing
equally
in the cure and prevention of epidemic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
illnesses in order to have better outcomes from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
deprived
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as ensuring a healthy and energetic living for them.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicines. Government funding should reflect this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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