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The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree? v.9

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 9
It is better to prevent health issues than to seek ways to treat them and this should be included in a government’s budget. This essay agrees that matters that affect well being should be prevented rather than being treated. Firstly, this essay will discuss how living healthy can boost productivity and secondly, it will discuss how it will reduce government spending. To begin, if individuals avoid contacting disease, they will have no need to go to the clinics and they will have more time for productive activities. Drugs and other treatments given to a sick person can prevent the person from going about their normal business; hence, it is better not to fall ill at all than to waste precious time resting from the effect of the medication. For example, I was sick earlier this week and I had to go to the hospital where I was given some drugs. These medications made me weak, to the extent that I had to miss some days at work; this means I was not productive during the period I was resting. In addition, healthy living can save the state authority a lot in the area of health care services. The state authority operates hospitals for her citizens; when people are ill, they visit these care centres. The more people get sick in a country, the higher the cost of servicing these hospitals. Therefore, if the amount of illness is curbed, government’s expenditure on health care will decrease. A recent survey carried out by nurses in Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH), showed that during periods of epidemic outbreaks, government spending rises drastically. In conclusion, instead of seeking medical assistance, it is in the best interest of people not to fall ill at all.
It is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
health issues than to seek ways to treat them and this should
be included
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
budget. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that matters that affect
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
rather
than
being treated
.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss how living healthy can boost productivity and
secondly
, it will discuss how it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spending.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, if individuals avoid contacting disease, they will have no need to go to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
clinics and
they will have more time for productive activities. Drugs and other treatments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to a sick person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the person from going about their normal business;
hence
, it is better not to fall ill at all than to waste precious time resting from the effect of the medication.
For example
, I was sick earlier this week and I had to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
where I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drugs. These medications made me weak, to the extent that I had to miss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days at work; this means I was not productive during the period I was resting.

In addition
, healthy living can save the state authority a lot in the area of health care services. The state authority operates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
for her citizens; when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are ill, they visit these care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick in a country, the higher the cost of servicing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
.
Therefore
, if the amount of illness
is curbed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
expenditure on health care will decrease. A recent survey carried out by nurses in Lagos State University Teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
LASUTH
),
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that during periods of epidemic outbreaks,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spending rises
drastically
.

In conclusion
,
instead
of seeking medical assistance, it is in the best interest of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not to fall ill at all.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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