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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society How can this problem be resolved v.1

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society How can this problem be resolved v. 1
Approval of the medicines for human use is a tedious process and involves a series of tests, including tests on animals. Few people have a mindset that experiments on animal for new medicine are necessary and it makes drug safer. However, others are of an opposite opinion and they believe that testing medicines on animals is an unethical practice. I am in favour of the idea that medicine should be tested in all possible scenarios before being released to public. On the one hand, people who doesn’t like animal experiments, argue that animals have the same rights as human beings, they are also an outcome of the same revolution through which human come into existence. Infecting them with viruses or injecting bacteria or chemical in their body may cause extreme pain for them. Also, a failed experiment can cause severe damage and suffering for their whole life or even can cause death in the lab. In addition, lab animals are taken away from their real natural homes such as forest or zoo, which is again cruelty. It is understandable that, the pain or suffering lab animals pass from, some people think as immoral practice. On the other hand, It is completely necessary, an important and unavoidable process that all the medicines before making public, must pass all tests and check for a reaction. Such that it is safer for human beings to take those medicines and avoid any severe damage. Besides this, every day a large number of animals are mercilessly killed by humans for their mere flesh and skin, there is not a huge difference between killing animal for food or sacrificing their life for drug testing, because both actions are helping the human race for survival. To sum up, there are valid reasons why animal testing seems cruel, unethical and unacceptable to a few people and crucial to others. In my perspective, even though animals subjected to testing may suffer, it is a necessary step to ensure the healing power of a drug and saves human lives.
Approval of the medicines for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is a tedious process and involves a series of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
, including
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a mindset that experiments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
are necessary and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
drug safer.
However
, others are of an opposite
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
opinion and
they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
testing
medicines on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is an unethical practice. I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
in all possible scenarios
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being released
to public.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
doesn
’t like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
experiments, argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have the same rights as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings, they are
also
an outcome of the same revolution through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into existence. Infecting them with viruses or injecting bacteria or chemical in their body may cause extreme pain for them.
Also
, a failed experiment can cause severe damage and suffering for their whole life or even can cause death in the lab.
In addition
, lab
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are taken
away from their real natural homes such as forest or zoo, which is again cruelty. It is understandable that, the pain or suffering lab
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
pass from,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
as immoral practice.

On the other hand
, It is completely necessary, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and unavoidable process that all the medicines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making public,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pass all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
for a reaction. Such that it is safer for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings to take those medicines and avoid any severe damage.
Besides
this, every day
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
mercilessly
killed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
for their mere flesh and skin, there is not a huge difference between killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
for food or sacrificing their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
for drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
testing
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both actions are helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race for survival.

To sum up, there are valid reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
testing
seems cruel, unethical and unacceptable to a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and crucial to others. In my perspective,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
subjected to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
testing
may suffer, it is a necessary step to ensure the healing power of a drug and saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society How can this problem be resolved v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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