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In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
With the Internet having a significant impact on our shopping, work and communication, we can now live without any face-to-face interaction with other people. While making modern life more convenient in some ways, this situation is a negative trend in the long run. In this day and age, we can stay at home and have almost anything delivered to our homes as most consumer goods are widely available for online purchase. We also have more opportunities in terms of employment because many applications like Skype or Google Hangouts allow employees to work from home. Members of an organization nowadays rely on email and other online platforms to maintain effective communication and ensure their businesses operate smoothly. When it comes to personal relationships, we use Facebook to connect and stay in touch with friends and relatives. The Internet, without doubt, enhance our shopping experiences, makes our workplaces more streamlined and efficient, and facilitates our communication with others. However, we are faced with a foreseeable and unfortunate consequence due to our reliance on such technology. We are losing direct interactions that are deemed extremely important in this technological era. Children hardly spend time talking to their parents because they are too engrossed in media hype on Facebook. It is common to see both young and older adults with their eyes glued to their phones instead of having conversations as they did before the advent of smart devices. This trend is leading us toward a society where people will turn to favour virtual interactions and undervaluing real-life relationships. The influence of the Internet on many aspects of our lives is remarkable. However, the benefits it offers do not justify the fact that it is inflicting severe damage to our relationships, which can only flourish based on real communication.
With the Internet having a significant impact on our shopping, work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without any face-to-face interaction with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. While making modern life more convenient in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, this situation is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend in the long run.

In this day and age, we can stay at home and have almost anything delivered to our homes as most consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are
widely
available for online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. We
also
have more opportunities in terms of employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applications like Skype or Google Hangouts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
employees to work from home. Members of an organization nowadays rely on email and other online platforms to maintain effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and ensure their businesses operate
smoothly
. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to personal relationships, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Facebook to connect and stay in touch with friends and relatives. The Internet, without doubt, enhance our shopping experiences,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our workplaces more streamlined and efficient, and facilitates our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
with others.

However
, we
are faced
with a foreseeable and unfortunate consequence due to our reliance on such technology. We are losing direct interactions that
are deemed
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in this technological era. Children hardly spend time talking to their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are too engrossed in media hype on Facebook. It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
both young and older adults with their eyes glued to their phones
instead
of having conversations as they did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the advent of smart devices. This trend is leading us toward a society where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will turn to
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
virtual interactions and undervaluing real-life relationships.

The influence of the Internet on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is remarkable.
However
, the benefits it offers do not justify the fact that it is inflicting severe damage to our relationships, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
flourish based on real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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