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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 3
It is said that the most important thing about being wealthy is that it allows people to help others. Although having a great deal of money does give the rich a chance to lend a helping hand to the less fortunate, I believe that it is not their responsibility. On the one hand, becoming wealthy can enable people to ease the burdens of those in need. This is because wealthy people are generally less concerned about their finances, and instead are more open to supporting others. A great example of this is that in almost all charitable organizations, their founders or philanthropists tend to be millionaires, or even billionaires, who are willing to donate a great deal of their fortune to assist individuals who need help. However, despite the undeniable positive social impacts created by helping people, being rich means a lot more than philanthropy. In order to become the upper-class in society, most people have to overcome countless difficulties and try very hard to gain their wealth. Therefore, when they become rich, it is reasonable that such individuals would want to enjoy their life to make up for those tiring days of hard work. For example, there are numerous things that wealthy people can do, such as travelling around the world, dining in luxurious restaurants, or even purchasing jewelry or houses. Such activities help people to be satisfied with themselves and prove that their hard work does pay off. To sum up, I would argue that the most important thing about being rich is that it enables people to enjoy more things in life. Although helping others is socially beneficial, it should be optional.
It
is said
that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others. Although having a great deal of money does give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
a chance to lend a helping hand to the less fortunate, I believe that it is not their responsibility.

On the one hand, becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
can enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the burdens of those in need. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
generally
less concerned about their finances, and
instead
are more open to supporting others. A great example of this is that in almost all charitable organizations, their founders or philanthropists tend to be millionaires, or even billionaires, who are willing to donate a great deal of their fortune to assist individuals who need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

However
, despite the undeniable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
social impacts created by helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
means a lot more than philanthropy. In order to become the upper-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in society, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overcome countless difficulties and try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to gain their wealth.
Therefore
, when they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
, it is reasonable that such individuals would want to enjoy their life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up for those tiring days of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
For example
, there are numerous things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do, such as travelling around the world, dining in luxurious restaurants, or even purchasing jewelry or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. Such activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be satisfied
with themselves and prove that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work does pay off.

To sum up, I would argue that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is that it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy more things in life. Although helping others is
socially
beneficial, it should be optional.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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