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The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. v.4

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. v. 4
‘Born as a woman’ is not a problem anymore. In recent year, women already have a big role in society. In contrast, people still debate that equality of gender is hard to pursuing. I will outline this issue with reasons and examples. We have seen the power of women in many issues. In term of education, women have the right to learn every subject that they want to. Take the number of women students as an example. In many departments, women are more dominant in number than men students. Not only in the term of students but also lecturers and university’s bureaucracy, many women have crucial positions as men’s do, such as becoming vice-president of a university. In addition, women’s role is clearly seen in the political term. Nowadays, in Indonesia, at least 3 women become ministers in the centre government. It shows that the society has received the presence of women. A clearer example that we can see is women’s role in a family. In the past, women only took care of their children, cooked for their family, and cleaned the house, as housewives. But today, women do greater activities. They become housewife and career-women at the same time. Even in many cases, women become breadwinner while their husbands remain as househusbands. It is true that in some cases, in some parts of the world, there are still distinguish between man and woman, but it cannot be denied that woman has been more appreciated nowadays. To sum up, I must say that women achieved gender equality in many ways of life such as education, work chance, and family. Based on these arguments, I tend to disagree that societies cannot claim to achieve gender equality because there are different evidence in real life defeat this view.
‘Born as a woman’ is not a problem anymore. In recent year,
women
already have a
big
role in society.
In contrast
,
people
still
debate that equality of gender is
hard
to pursuing. I will outline this issue with reasons and examples.

We have
seen
the power of
women
in
many
issues. In term of education,
women
have the right to learn every subject that they want to. Take the number of
women
students as an example. In
many
departments,
women
are more
dominant in number
than
men
students. Not
only
in the term of students
but
also
lecturers and university’s bureaucracy,
many
women
have crucial positions as
men
’s do, such as becoming vice-president of a university.
In addition
,
women’s
role is
clearly
seen
in the political term. Nowadays, in Indonesia, at least 3
women
become ministers in the
centre
government
. It
shows
that the society has received the presence of women.

A clearer example that we can
see
is
women’s
role in a family. In the past,
women
only
took care of their children, cooked for their family, and cleaned the
house
, as housewives.
But
today
,
women
do greater activities. They become housewife and career-women at the same time. Even in
many
cases,
women
become breadwinner while their husbands remain as househusbands.

It is true that in
some
cases, in
some
parts of the world, there are
still
distinguish between
man
and woman,
but
it cannot
be denied
that woman has been more appreciated nowadays.

To sum up, I
must
say that
women
achieved gender equality in
many
ways of life such as education, work chance, and family. Based on these arguments, I tend to disagree that societies cannot claim to achieve gender equality
because
there are
different
evidence in real life defeat this view.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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