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The bar graph below gives some of the most reported issues among people living in UK cities in 2008. v.1

The bar graph below gives some of the most reported issues among people living in UK cities in 2008. v. 1
My country is definitely not the only one that have many unemployed youngsters, who are highly qualified. That is a problem happening all around the world. One major factor about it is that these graduates have no enough experience about coping with stressful situations and dealing with problems of their everyday lives. Even if they have been studying in an elite university they have only extended their knowledge and that’s all. I suggest having more lectures about real life and its difficulties. Another factor is that most of the companies have a staff with people working for them for years, so that they don’t want changes in order to prevent any jeopardy. The solution is clear - companies have to become more open to young people because they are those who would make the world a modern one. A vital factor causing this problem could be the personality. Youngsters are surrounded by technology that is able to make them less creative and more identical to each other. If employers seek someone who is original and unique, maybe that’s the biggest problem. However, it is not hard to resolve - graduates would just have to show these qualities that make them different. In conclusion, I think that both employers and graduates have to find a way to solve this big problem causing troubles in many countries, because young people are those who have to show their capacity to the world. We should give them a chance and see what they are capable of.
My country is definitely not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unemployed youngsters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
highly
qualified.
That is
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
happening all around the world.

One major factor about it is that these graduates have no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience about coping with stressful situations and dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of their everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Even if they have been studying in an elite university they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
extended their knowledge and that’s all. I suggest having more lectures about real life and its difficulties.

Another factor is that most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have a staff with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working for them for years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they don’t want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any jeopardy. The solution is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
become more open to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a modern one.

A vital factor causing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could be the personality. Youngsters
are surrounded
by technology
that is
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them less creative and more identical to each other. If employers seek someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is original and unique, maybe that’s the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
However
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to resolve
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
graduates would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
these qualities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both employers and graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find a way to solve this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
causing troubles in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their capacity to the world. We should give them a chance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what they are capable of.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar graph below gives some of the most reported issues among people living in UK cities in 2008. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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