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The pie graphs below compare the percentages of carbohydrates, protein, and fat in three different types of diet. v.1

The pie graphs below compare the percentages of carbohydrates, protein, and fat in three different types of diet. v. 1
It is an obvious fact that the rates of serious crimes committed annually show an upward trend. According to some people, the capital punishment seems to be the most influential method to deter the problem, while many others are in opinion that alternative actions are required. This essay will try out to discuss both sides of the argument in detail. On the one hand, the death penalty is thought to be the best way to decrease the number of crimes committed each year. Supporters of this argument, consider that sentencing to death the criminals, who perpetrated serious offense, such as rape and murder, or members of the dangerous terrorist groups, will prevent other people, especially teenagers, from committing terrific actions. Furthermore, they believe that in order to maintain the justice in society, the victims and also their family members need to be sure that their violated rights have been defended properly. For example, the parents of the children who murdered during the bomb attack can find a little solace only after killing of people who were responsible for this crime. On the other hand, opposite viewers of the capital punishment think that other possible measures are needed to tackle the problem. From their perspective, the most important way is to educate offenders and give them opportunities to learn some professional skills and find appropriate jobs. According to them, uneducated and jobless individuals, particularly young adults, tend to commit serious crimes more often than other members of the community. For instance, if a prisoner has been taught carpentry in the jail, he will have a chance to get a suitable work after the end of the sentence. As a result, having a job and earning money will make him feel secure and avoid involving in any violent activities. To conclude, although some people claim that the death penalty is the best way to reduce the number of serious crimes, many other individuals argue that some other measures are needed to deter the problem.
It is an obvious fact that the rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed
annually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an upward trend. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the capital punishment seems to be the most influential method to deter the problem, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others are in opinion that alternative actions
are required
. This essay will try out to discuss both sides of the argument in detail.

On the one hand, the death penalty is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be the best way to decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed each year. Supporters of this argument, consider that sentencing to death the criminals, who perpetrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
offense, such as rape and murder, or members of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
terrorist groups, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, from committing terrific actions.
Furthermore
, they believe that in order to maintain the justice in society, the victims and
also
their family members need to be sure that their violated rights have
been defended
properly
.
For example
, the parents of the children who murdered during the bomb attack can find a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
solace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after killing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were responsible for this crime.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, opposite viewers of the capital punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
possible measures
are needed
to tackle the problem. From their perspective, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
way is to educate offenders and give them opportunities to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and find appropriate jobs. According to them, uneducated and jobless individuals,
particularly
young adults, tend to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of the community.
For instance
, if a prisoner has
been taught
carpentry in the jail, he will have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a suitable work after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the sentence.
As a result
, having a job and earning money will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him feel secure and avoid involving in any violent activities.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the death penalty is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures
are needed
to deter the problem.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie graphs below compare the percentages of carbohydrates, protein, and fat in three different types of diet. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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