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The pie charts below show the percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK in 1991 and 2007. v.1

The pie charts below show the percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK in 1991 and 2007. v. 1
While it is thought by some that organizing exuberant wedding and birthday parties accounts for wasted expenditure, there are others who believe that such gatherings are important from an individual and social perspective. This essay will discuss both views and look at probable reasons for people to have such beliefs. There are a few reasons why such celebrations can be considered to be a waste of hard earned money. Firstly, a lot of food is usually ordered for such occasions disproportionate to the number of people actually attending the event. This is done in anticipation to avoid embarrassment, in case the food gets over before the guests are catered to. Secondly, there is a huge amount of decoration that is generally involved in making the moment memorable, which is mostly of a disposable nature and cannot be reused. For instance, fresh flowers are usually the item of choice for beautifying the auditorium or the room of party hall, which perish after a few hours. A considerable amount of money is spent in order to purchase these things for a one time celebration and thus compels one to reconsider the idea of throwing a party where money can be wasted. On the contrary, people have their reasons to consider expenses for giving a party a necessary affair. There are people who believe that the more one spends for holding a party, the greater will be the respect earned in the eyes of those attending. Additionally, it is true that unless such occasions are celebrated, there would not be a reason for near and dear ones to improve their bonding and have a good time. The birthday celebration of a 5 year old, for example, allows the child to feel happy and at the same time creates memories for the rest of his life. In conclusion, although it is true that money does get wasted in hosting big functions, such get-togethers are a necessity to create memories in one’s lifetime.
While it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that organizing exuberant wedding and birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
accounts for wasted expenditure, there are others who believe that such gatherings are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
from an individual and social perspective. This essay will discuss both views and look at probable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have such beliefs.

There are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why such celebrations can
be considered
to be a waste of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
food is
usually
ordered for such occasions disproportionate to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually attending the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. This
is done
in anticipation to avoid embarrassment, in case the food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the guests
are catered
to.
Secondly
, there is a huge amount of decoration
that is
generally
involved in making the moment memorable, which is
mostly
of a disposable nature and cannot
be reused
.
For instance
, fresh flowers are
usually
the item of choice for beautifying the auditorium or the room of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
hall, which perish after a few hours. A considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is spent
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
these things for a one time celebration and
thus
compels one to reconsider the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of throwing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be wasted
.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to consider expenses for giving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
a necessary affair. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that the more one spends for holding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
, the greater will be the respect earned in the eyes of those attending.
Additionally
, it is true that unless such occasions
are celebrated
, there would not be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for near and dear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their bonding and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time. The birthday celebration of a 5 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the child to feel happy and at the same time creates memories for the rest of his life.

In conclusion
, although it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
wasted in hosting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
functions, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-togethers are a necessity to create memories in one’s lifetime.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The pie charts below show the percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK in 1991 and 2007. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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