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The following two pie charts shows the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting key features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The following two pie charts shows the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995.
Nowadays, the average life expectancy is growing, thus it is believed that the retirement age ought to be raised. In my opinion, this is a reasonable suggestion as, in the long run, it benefits both individuals and society. Firstly, this essay will discuss a substantial contribution to national prosperity as a result of this policy, and secondly, improved personal wellness will be analysed. The primary reason to remain employed longer is that it increases tax revenue, therefore, this is the key to success in terms of social well-being. At present, the amount of the economically active population is rapidly decreasing, frequently resulting in national budget deficits. Not only do elder taxpayers compensate for shortages caused by demographic disproportion, but they also ensure well a balanced economy in the long run. For instance, it has been revealed that the elderly’s payments make up the largest proportion of GDP, while only a tiny percentage is provided by those taking the first steps in their career. Another point to consider implementing a higher retirement age is it strongly beneficial for maintaining both the physical and psychological health of aging employees. On no account should favourable consequences of staying professionally active till an old age be ignored. A prime example is Japan, the country with the highest life expectancy rate, where citizens stay capable of working longer than in any other region. Therefore, without being employed, senior citizens are far more likely to degrade their health and mental ability. In conclusion, I am convinced that raising the retirement age is a must for any country that aims to ensure financial prosperity and longevity of its citizens. It is high time our society adapted changes required by a rapidly increasing human's lifespan.
Nowadays, the average life expectancy is growing,
thus
it
is believed
that the retirement
age
ought to
be raised
. In my opinion, this is a reasonable suggestion as, in the long run, it benefits both individuals and society.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss a substantial contribution to national prosperity
as a result
of this policy, and
secondly
,
improved
personal wellness will be
analysed
.

The primary reason to remain employed longer is that it increases tax revenue,
therefore
, this is the key to success in terms of social well-being. At present, the amount of the
economically
active population is
rapidly
decreasing,
frequently
resulting in national budget deficits. Not
only
do elder taxpayers compensate for shortages caused by demographic disproportion,
but
they
also
ensure well a balanced economy in the long run.
For instance
, it has
been revealed
that the elderly’s payments
make
up the largest proportion of GDP, while
only
a tiny percentage
is provided
by those taking the
first
steps in their career.

Another point to consider implementing a higher retirement
age
is it
strongly
beneficial for maintaining both the physical and psychological health of aging employees. On no account should
favourable
consequences of staying
professionally
active till an
old
age
be
ignored
. A prime example is Japan, the country with the highest life expectancy rate, where citizens stay capable of working longer than in any other region.
Therefore
, without
being employed
, senior citizens are far more likely to degrade their health and mental ability.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that raising the retirement
age
is a
must
for any country that aims to ensure financial prosperity and longevity of its citizens. It is high time our society adapted
changes
required by a
rapidly
increasing human's lifespan.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The following two pie charts shows the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities among European adults in 1985 and 1995.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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