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The pie chart shows the origins of all students who came to England from abroad to study in 2001. The bar chart shows numbers of students coming to England from seven Far Eastern countries in the same year v.1

The pie chart shows the origins of all students who came to England from abroad to study in 2001. The bar chart shows numbers of students coming to England from seven Far Eastern countries in the same year v. 1
In the modern society, people’s work clothes have attracted much concern. Some people hold the view that the style of the staff should not be paid attention to by the manager on the grounds that the result is of importance. Personally, I believe the way they dress completely depends on the type of their company or job. On the one hand, formal clothes are suitable for professional jobs as well as in disciplined settings. Several certain jobs such as lawyer, doctor, teacher and even sales people require people dress up smartly and courteously which undoubtedly boost confidence and work efficiency. For example, when wearing white blouse in the hospital, doctors may be more aware of the value of their work in order to try their best to fulfil their duty. Furthermore, should they wear smart clothes, they will be respectful towards others, which affects social interaction and be enormously significant to those face-to-face jobs, especially marketing or receptionist. On the other hand, there are remarkable reasons why a multitude of individuals hold the notion that using formal clothes is unnecessary. First of all, clothings are not reflective of the worker’s own performance or their ability. For instance, technological companies like Google and Facebook are well-known for their relaxed dress codes because they aim to create an informal, exciting and creative environment; consequently, they produce sophisticated and convenient products despite casual clothes. Secondly, informal clothes are outstanding choices for not only sedentary work styles but also active employees. Loose clothes help relax their muscles, bring comfort and their actions will not be limited. In conclusion, although clothing does not reflex one’s ability to work, the style of people should be appropriate for their jobs. While in the professional setting formal clothes increase people’s self-confidence together with the work productivity and show respect to other people, casual clothes make the staff relaxed and also be convenient for moving employees.
In the modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
have attracted much concern.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that the style of the staff should not
be paid
attention to
Did you maybe mean "buy" or "be"?
by
the manager on the grounds that the result is of importance.
Personally
, I believe the way they dress completely depends on the type of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or job.

On the one hand, formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are suitable for professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as well
as in disciplined settings. Several certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as lawyer, doctor, teacher and even sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dress up
smartly
and
courteously
which
undoubtedly
boost confidence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency.
For example
, when wearing white blouse in the hospital, doctors may be more aware of the value of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to try their best to fulfil their duty.
Furthermore
, should they wear smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, they will be respectful towards others, which affects social interaction and be
enormously
significant to those face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
especially
marketing or receptionist.

On the other hand
, there are remarkable reasons why a multitude of individuals hold the notion that using formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is unnecessary.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
clothings
are not reflective of the worker’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
performance or their ability.
For instance
, technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Google and Facebook are well-known for their relaxed dress codes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they aim to create an informal, exciting and creative environment;
consequently
, they produce sophisticated and convenient products despite casual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
Secondly
, informal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are outstanding choices for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
styles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
active employees. Loose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
relax their muscles, bring comfort and their actions will not
be limited
.

In conclusion
, although clothing does not reflex one’s ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be appropriate for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. While in the professional setting formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
self-confidence together with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, casual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the staff relaxed and
also
be convenient for moving employees.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The pie chart shows the origins of all students who came to England from abroad to study in 2001. The bar chart shows numbers of students coming to England from seven Far Eastern countries in the same year v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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