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The Bar Chart Below Shows The Numbers Of Men And Women Attending Various Evening Courses At An Adult Education Centre In The Year 2009. The Pie Chart Gives Information About The Ages Of These Course Participants? v.1

The Bar Chart Below Shows The Numbers Of Men And Women Attending Various Evening Courses At An Adult Education Centre In The Year 2009. The Pie Chart Gives Information About The Ages Of These Course Participants? v. 1
Human development is a complex interplay of many factors. Some individuals are of the opinion that parents have the most significant role in a child’s development, whereas others say that technology also plays a role. With the change in interactions among family members and increased availability of technological gadgets, the majority of children are allowed to use smartphones for acquiring knowledge and learning new things. This has both positive and negative impacts, which we can discuss in this essay. In this digital era, rather than learning through books which has 2D images, people tend to explore the technologies which can open up a world of 3D in the fingertip. Children are non-sceptical of this. They have got the opportunity to see and even feel the objects with the help of various software. Firstly, these gadgets allow children to grasp knowledge quickly because the human mind can easily retain things through the audio-visual medium. Such applications have various online activities-based tutorials which will keep the toddlers interested. For example, Dave and Eva, Byju’s learning App, Lingo kids, and Homer. Moreover, unlike the traditional way of learning, the gadgets offer an interesting and engaging experience. Therefore, these days, parents are more likely to permit their wards to use smartphones. Despite these benefits, there are far more disadvantages for this development. Primarily, excessive use of gadgets may have a detrimental effect on the eyes since watching mobile screens for a long time causes eye strain. Secondly, children are so addictive of smartphones and tablets that they will spend most of their free time by sticking to these devices. Motor skills and analytical skills will develop only through physical activities. Thirdly, lack of physical activities will pave the way for obesity and related health issues. To conclude, while smartphones have made learning quite easy and interesting, they may result in making children vulnerable to health problems. Everything is good and useful, if and only if it is utilized in a controlled manner. Thus, the positives of this trend of enhancing learning with smart phones and tablets do not outweigh the negatives.
Human development is a complex interplay of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals are of the opinion that parents have the most significant role in a child’s development, whereas others say that technology
also
plays a role. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in interactions among family members and increased availability of technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphones for acquiring knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
new things. This has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, which we can discuss in this essay.

In this digital era,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
through books which has 2D images,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to explore the technologies which can open up a world of 3D in the fingertip.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-sceptical
of this. They have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and even feel the objects with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of various software.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grasp knowledge
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the human mind can
easily
retain things through the audio-visual medium. Such applications have various online activities-based tutorials which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the toddlers interested.
For example
, Dave and Eva,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Byju
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
App, Lingo kids, and Homer.
Moreover
, unlike the traditional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
offer an interesting and engaging experience.
Therefore
, these days, parents are more likely to permit their wards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphones.

Despite these benefits, there are far more disadvantages for this development.
Primarily
, excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
may have a detrimental effect on the eyes since watching mobile screens for a long time causes eye strain.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addictive of smartphones and tablets that they will spend most of their free time by sticking to these devices. Motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through physical activities.
Thirdly
, lack of physical activities will pave the way for obesity and related health issues.

To conclude
, while smartphones have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
quite easy and interesting, they may result in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
vulnerable to health problems. Everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and useful, if and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if it
is utilized
in a controlled manner.
Thus
, the positives of this trend of enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
with smart phones and tablets do not outweigh the negatives.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The Bar Chart Below Shows The Numbers Of Men And Women Attending Various Evening Courses At An Adult Education Centre In The Year 2009. The Pie Chart Gives Information About The Ages Of These Course Participants? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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