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The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australlan for last year The ple chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australlan v.1

The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australlan for last year The ple chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australlan v. 1
In various growing nations, there seems to be an issue with the decreasing quality of air and water due to construction and industry works. In this essay I will highlight the possible methods to adopt in order to prevent this problem from happening. With regards to the issue of the declining quality of air, less industries should be built in order to create space for agriculture. In other words, workers should start practicing the act of cultivation and irrigation in order to reduce the pollution caused by industries' emissions. Additionally, it would be useful if most of the cars were replaced with bicycles. The latter would effectively reduce the amount of toxic smoke mixing up in the air. For example, if the use of bicycles exceeds that of vehicles, then people would be able to breathe a cleaner air rather than a harmful one. In terms of the bad status of water, treating it with Alum would be essential in order to eliminate germs and turbidity caused by industry discharges. Also, removing all the waste materials in the streams can also be considered to cleanse water. This will reduce the risk of infections and diseases spreading in the country and it will also preserve the lives of fishes and other aquatic animals. To conclude, air can be cleaned by avoiding the excessive use of vehicles and adopting the practice of cultivation and irrigation to reduce toxic emissions. On the other hand, water can be purified by treating it with Alum and removing the pollutants from it.
In various growing nations, there seems to be an issue with the decreasing quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
due to construction and industry works. In this essay I will highlight the possible methods to adopt in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem from happening.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the issue of the declining quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun industries is countable.
less
industries should
be built
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to create space for agriculture.
In other words
, workers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
practicing the act of cultivation and irrigation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the pollution caused by industries' emissions.
Additionally
, it would be useful if most of the cars
were replaced
with bicycles. The latter would
effectively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the amount of toxic smoke mixing up in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
.
For example
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of bicycles exceeds that of vehicles, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would be able to breathe a cleaner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
rather
than a harmful one.

In terms of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
status of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, treating it with Alum would be essential in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to eliminate germs and turbidity caused by industry discharges.
Also
, removing all the waste materials in the streams can
also
be considered
to cleanse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of infections and diseases spreading in the country and it will
also
preserve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of fishes and other aquatic animals.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
can
be cleaned
by avoiding the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of vehicles and adopting the practice of cultivation and irrigation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
toxic emissions.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
can
be purified
by treating it with Alum and removing the pollutants from it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australlan for last year The ple chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australlan v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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