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The pie chart compares the proportion of enrolments on six different courses at a UK collegeof education in 2010 and 2012 v.1

The pie chart compares the proportion of enrolments on six different courses at a UK collegeof education in 2010 and 2012 v. 1
We are living in a world where our media put more emphasis on, what is going bad in the locality as compared to highlights its positivity. This heart wrenching reality has now become the major issue to address because if we don't care for this social concern now, we have to face serious results later on, because it is us that drive the economy. This essay will surely agree that people and community are in danger because of the negative news that comes from the agencies. Firstly, the impact of negative information on people will be discussed. Secondly, how our society will face the consequences will be highlighted. People have to pay more attention that what is going on in the society in order to save themselves for any negative news that might affect their well being. This is because we have full control of our lives when we saw anything bad whether it is a suicide attack by some unknown person or some people get injured, our brain and body will feel emotionally as well as physically helplessness. For example, the study conducted by Oxford university has proved that as rate of suicide attacks are increasing as people got more prone to blood leads to more crimes in the society. This is a fact that what we saw reflects on our personality if we see positivity we will surely opt for positive things. So, we can say we have to be more observant of our environment so we could live our lives happily. Furthermore, if the media do not play their part, according to our needs, then it will surely have adverse effect on the community. As it has a long lasting effect because as a result, we have to face difficulties in terms of decreasing per capita income and GDP, depressions, less people will be willing to do jobs and more appropriately our economy will be judged as shaky now body will invest in it, for example, the role played by Pakistani media can be clearly seen in our community in the shape of low morals of people, high Inflation and poverty and as a result we are badly stuck in the continuous us the vicious circle of poverty. To conclude, I believe the media should play their role on the positive sides which will make humanity safe from harm of physical and emotional torture which in terms make our world prosper. We should play our part to make a world a better place to live.
We are living in a world where our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
put more emphasis on, what is going
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
in the locality as compared to highlights its positivity. This heart wrenching reality has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become the major issue to address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we don't care for this social concern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face serious results later on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is us that drive the economy. This essay will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and community are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
news that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the agencies.
Firstly
, the impact of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
information on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be discussed
.
Secondly
, how our society will face the consequences will
be highlighted
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more attention that what is going on in the society in order to save themselves for any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
news that might affect their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have full control of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
anything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
whether it is a suicide attack by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unknown person or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
injured, our brain and body will feel
emotionally
as well
as
physically
helplessness.
For example
, the study conducted by Oxford university has proved that as rate of suicide attacks are increasing as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
more prone to blood leads to more crimes in the society. This is a fact that what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
reflects on our personality if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
positivity we will
surely
opt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can say we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be more observant of our environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
happily
.

Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
do not play their part, according to our needs, then it will
surely
have adverse effect on the community. As it has a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
effect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as a result
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face difficulties in terms of decreasing per capita income and GDP, depressions,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be willing to do jobs and more
appropriately
our economy will
be judged
as shaky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
body will invest in it,
for example
, the role played by Pakistani
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in our community in the shape of low morals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, high Inflation and poverty and
as a result
we are
badly
stuck in the continuous us the vicious circle of poverty.

To conclude
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should play their role on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
humanity safe from harm of physical and emotional torture which in terms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our world prosper. We should play our part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a world a better place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie chart compares the proportion of enrolments on six different courses at a UK collegeof education in 2010 and 2012 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
418 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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