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The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Great Britain between 2008 and 2012. v.1

The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Great Britain between 2008 and 2012. v. 1
The debate that is rising among many nowadays is that the animals need to be left safe. Many argue that creatures should be protected and safeguarded equally as people, whilst others believe that they should be used for multiple reasons such as consumption and study. This essay agrees that the animals are living things and they deserve to survive on the planet. In this essay further both the views will be discussed. Domestic and wildlife have their own importance in maintaining the ecosystem. May it be dogs and cats or lions and tigers, their existence contributes to maintain the nature of our planet. Therefore, as humans, we do not have any right to use them and destroy many species which will cause imbalance in Earth’s environment. For instance, modern city expansions have resulted in the loss of forest areas that was home to wild animals which are becoming extinct, climate change is a result of this act. On the other hand, many say that animals are resources we can utilize for research and consumption. To experiment new vaccines, scientists test them on rats or monkeys, moreover, hens and goats are killed for preparing dishes. However, experts can invent consumable products and discover methods to do research without harming innocent souls. For example, advancement in technology has introduced different means of food and machines to examine. In conclusion, though animals cannot communicate in vocal languages, they require a share of existence, therefore, humans should further their research in technology and be dedicated to improving the world, without harming living beings.
The debate
that is
rising among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nowadays is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
safe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that creatures should
be protected
and safeguarded
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, whilst others believe that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for multiple reasons such as consumption and study. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are living
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they deserve to survive on the planet. In this essay
further
both the views will
be discussed
.

Domestic and wildlife have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance in maintaining the ecosystem. May it be dogs and cats or lions and tigers, their existence contributes to maintain the nature of our planet.
Therefore
, as humans, we do not have any right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species which will cause imbalance in Earth’s environment.
For instance
, modern city expansions have resulted in the loss of forest areas that was home to wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which are becoming extinct, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is a result of this act.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are resources we can utilize for research and consumption. To experiment new vaccines, scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
them on rats or monkeys,
moreover
, hens and goats
are killed
for preparing dishes.
However
, experts can invent consumable products and discover methods to do research without harming innocent souls.
For example
, advancement in technology has introduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
means of food and machines to examine.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
cannot communicate in vocal languages, they require a share of existence,
therefore
, humans should
further
their research in technology and
be dedicated
to improving the world, without harming living beings.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Great Britain between 2008 and 2012. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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