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The pictures illustrate the changes in Shipsmouth between 1995 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The pictures illustrate the changes in Shipsmouth between 1995 and 2010.
Many people think that advertisement becomes necessary when a particular product is marketed and then bought by consumers. I completely disagree with this view and I believe that advertising is a great way to increase profit margins, raise brand awareness. First of all, advertisements play an essential role not only in promoting of a product, but also in increasing profit margins. The main goal of companies is gradually to earn higher money and advertising strategies help companies to promote their products at the first step. That means that businesses should advertise regularly their products if they want to reap a high yield. Furthermore, effective and regular advertising practices can provide that a commodity is recognized across the globe. For instance, when Apple, which has advertised its products, has become recognized globally in particular 2009, the company doubled its sales in the following year. Therefore, products should be regularly advertised if the priority of the company is to earn much more money. Secondly, the visual or printed ads of a particular item does not only mean the promotion of that item but also that of the company. That is that companies can raise their visibility with a regular advertisement of a new commodity. For example, Coca Cola, which is known by nearly all people around the world, today, is still advertising their products. The reason is that Coca Cola aims to maintain the sales of beverages and people not to forget the brand image. That’s why advertising is necessary to become a successful business and recognized by everyone. In conclusion, many people think that advertisements considered a medium of entertainment by people as soon as an item begins to be preferred by people. However, I strongly believe that regular advertising strategies are a must to increase steadily profits, raise brand awareness, and promote other products of a company who wants to be a successful business. 32 Dakika
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
becomes necessary when a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is marketed
and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by consumers. I completely disagree with this view and I believe that advertising is a great way to increase profit margins, raise brand awareness.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
play an essential role not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in promoting of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in increasing profit margins. The main goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is
gradually
to earn higher money and advertising strategies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at the
first
step. That means that businesses should advertise
regularly
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
if they want to reap a high yield.
Furthermore
, effective and regular advertising practices can provide that a commodity
is recognized
across the globe.
For instance
, when Apple, which has advertised its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, has become recognized globally
in particular
2009, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
doubled its sales in the following year.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
should be
regularly
advertised if the priority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is to earn much more money.

Secondly
, the visual or printed ads of a particular item does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mean the promotion of that item
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
That is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can raise their visibility with a regular
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
a new commodity.
For example
, Coca Cola, which
is known
by
nearly
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, is
still
advertising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The reason is that Coca Cola aims to maintain the sales of beverages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to forget the brand image. That’s why advertising is necessary to become a successful business and recognized by everyone.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
considered a medium of entertainment by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as an item
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to
be preferred
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, I
strongly
believe that regular advertising strategies are a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
increase
steadily
profits, raise brand awareness, and promote other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
who wants to be a successful business.

32
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dakika
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The pictures illustrate the changes in Shipsmouth between 1995 and 2010.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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