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some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. others think there are much wider benefits of university education. discuss both views and give your opinion. v.9

some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. others think there are much wider benefits of university education. v. 9
There is no doubt that technology has led to dramatic changes in society, by reshaping our social aspect. While some people state that this contributes to less social human beings, others oppose this notion. I agree with the former view. To begin with, those who argue that technology has played an increasing role in promoting relationships, mainly by supporting their users in virtual friendships. For instance, social media networks, such as Facebook and Instagram, which are a great source of making new friends, are composed of virtual forums. As a result, enabling people to be exposed to a variety of people from different backgrounds all over the world. In contrast, if these individuals were not exposed to these sites, they would be less likely to meet a new acquaintance and keep virtual relationships. On the other hand, I would advocate that technology has made us less social due to the scarcity of physical contact with each other. In other words, if individuals spend most of their time on online platforms, they will focus only on virtual communication; thus, compromising their real relationships. For example, if we compare the old generation with the new one, the older tend to show a greater positive attitude toward new people than the youngsters, who compose the vast majority of online users. Consequently, by limiting real connections can lead us to isolation, and therefore triggering mental conditions like anxiety or depression. In conclusion, despite some people may state that technology has a positive contribution to the social part, I strongly believe the opposite. It has put people’s social part in jeopardy by restricting them to virtual spaces rather than real ones.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has led to dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in society, by reshaping our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
aspect. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state that this contributes to less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
human beings, others oppose this notion. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has played an increasing role in promoting relationships,
mainly
by supporting their users in virtual friendships.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media networks, such as Facebook and Instagram, which are a great source of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends,
are composed
of virtual forums.
As a result
, enabling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be exposed
to a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds all over the world.
In contrast
, if these individuals were not exposed to these sites, they would be less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
acquaintance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
virtual relationships.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I would advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made us less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
due to the scarcity of physical contact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if individuals spend most of their time on online platforms, they will focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on virtual communication;
thus
, compromising their real relationships.
For example
, if we compare the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one, the older tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a greater
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than the youngsters, who compose the vast majority of online users.
Consequently
, by limiting real connections can lead us to isolation, and
therefore
triggering mental conditions like anxiety or depression.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
part, I
strongly
believe the opposite. It has put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
part in jeopardy by restricting them to virtual spaces
rather
than real ones.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. others think there are much wider benefits of university education. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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