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the picture show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK. v.1

the picture show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK. v. 1
It is widely debated whether the government should fund education and health care to people. Some believe that government should not provide it to people for free; however, the others believe it should be free. My viewpoint is that funding it for free is a government's obligation, so they have to provide it to people for free. For the majority of people who disagree with it, their perspective is that education and health care are extremely expensive and can't be afforded by a limited government budget. Additionally, an increase of patients and students means that less quality. Although it might bring a few disadvantages, I reckon that the advantage outweigh the disadvantage. At first, nowadays getting education and health care has been considered as a part of human rights. For instance, several charities donate necessities, provide the basic environment for the child to learn, or basic health services to third world due to humanitarian reasons, or international organizations assist those less developed countries to construct infrastructure. Thus, for the humanitarian reasons, the government is liable to fund education and health care for free. Additionally, both education and health care are also a factor to maintain or improve the development of a country. For a country without adequate medical environment or comprehensive schooling system, it will affect economic development; furthermore, with lack of education and health care might come several effects, such as an increasing number of poverty, an increase of crime rate, and even trigger for a war. The immediate benefit which funding it brings is to maintain and improve the status quo. In summary, although it might contribute to a large financial burden, overall the advantage outweighs the disadvantage, which is the reason why I agree with it.
It is
widely
debated whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not provide it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for free;
however
, the others believe it should be free. My viewpoint is that funding it for free is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's obligation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for free.

For the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who disagree with it, their perspective is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
are
extremely
expensive and can't
be afforded
by a limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budget.
Additionally
, an increase of patients and students means that less quality. Although it might bring a few disadvantages, I reckon that the advantage outweigh the disadvantage.

At
first
, nowadays getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
has
been considered
as a part of human rights.
For instance
, several charities donate necessities, provide the basic environment for the child to learn, or basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services to third world due to humanitarian reasons, or international organizations assist those less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
to construct infrastructure.
Thus
, for the humanitarian reasons, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is liable to fund
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for free.

Additionally
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
are
also
a factor to maintain or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the development of a country. For a country without adequate medical environment or comprehensive schooling system, it will affect economic development;
furthermore
, with lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
several effects, such as an increasing number of poverty, an increase of crime rate, and even trigger for a war. The immediate benefit which funding it brings is to maintain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the status quo.

In summary, although it might contribute to a large financial burden,
overall
the advantage outweighs the disadvantage, which is the reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the picture show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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