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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v.7

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 7
Nowadays, the amount of overweight offspring has rose by 20% since a few years. This essay will discuss the main causes of this issue and then describe the possible effects of this problem. The foremost causes are their diet and the lack of physical activities. To begin, many of these children do not eat healthy food. They prefer to feed themselves with sugar and fries nutriments, such as hamburgers and coca-cola. Moreover, traditionally, they eat between meals so their metabolism work continuously to eliminate the food. According to the professor Testart, in his article for the CNRS, the majority of these people are overweight because of their diet habits. In addition, generally, they do not practice any physical exercise. Instead, they prefer to watch movies or play video games. For instance, it is proved that because of the lack of activities, they are more able to take kilograms. Moreover, the possible effects include disease related to obesity and depression. First, obesity is the main consequence of becoming overweight. However, this state cause several diseases, such as diabetes, cholesterol and for some cases fatal blood pressure. In fact, the way they eat create a disorder in their body and cause these kind of issues. For example, in a recent study of the doctor Martin, it was reported that over 69% of sick people are ill because of their overweight. Secondly, the media promote the image of people perfect without any default with their shape. So, they compare themselves to these people continuously. Consequently, they loss their own esteem and become depressive. Such as, in America, the media prefer to show in TV healthy people than overweight because for them the population should look like them. In conclusion, overweight people has increased a lot since a few years because of their diet habits and their lack of physical exercise. In consequence, the possible effects are their hight exposition to disease and depression.
Nowadays, the amount of
overweight
offspring has rose by 20% since a few years. This essay will discuss the main
causes
of this issue and then
describe
the possible effects of this problem.

The foremost
causes
are their diet and the lack of physical activities. To
begin
,
many
of these children do not eat healthy food. They prefer to feed themselves with sugar and fries nutriments, such as hamburgers and coca-cola.
Moreover
,
traditionally
, they eat between meals
so
their metabolism work
continuously
to eliminate the food. According to the professor
Testart
, in his article for the CNRS, the majority of these
people
are
overweight
because
of their diet habits.
In addition
,
generally
, they do not practice any physical exercise.
Instead
, they prefer to
watch
movies or play video games.
For instance
, it
is proved
that
because
of the lack of activities, they are more able to take kilograms.

Moreover
, the possible effects include disease related to obesity and depression.
First
, obesity is the main consequence of becoming
overweight
.
However
, this state
cause
several diseases, such as diabetes, cholesterol and for
some
cases fatal blood pressure. In fact, the way they eat create a disorder in their body and
cause
these kind
of issues.
For example
, in a recent study of the doctor Martin, it
was reported
that over 69% of sick
people
are ill
because
of their
overweight
.
Secondly
, the media promote the image of
people
perfect without any default with their shape.
So
, they compare themselves to these
people
continuously
.
Consequently
, they
loss
their
own
esteem and become depressive. Such as, in America, the media prefer to
show
in TV healthy
people
than
overweight
because
for them the population should look like them.

In conclusion
,
overweight
people
has
increased a lot since a few years
because
of their diet habits and their lack of physical exercise. In consequence, the possible effects are their
hight
exposition to disease and depression.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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