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Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as foods and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? v.1

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as foods and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? v. 1
The necessity of helping poorer countries by wealthier nations has been debated by the United Nations over the past few decades. Some people believe that wealthy nations should be required to support less productive governments by providing education and sustenance. However, I agree with those who say that politicians and officials of underdeveloped countries are responsible for taking care of their citizens. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the reasons for those who believe in helping developing nations, as well as justify my viewpoint on the matter. Some argue that developed countries should be required to supply less developed countries through food and education provisions. The main reason for this argument is that many developing nations have difficult circumstances to deal with, this might be a natural or humanitarian disaster such as earthquakes or civil wars. Based on that, strong economies would be able to deliver nourishments to war-torn cities and countries such as Yemen and Syria in the Middle East. After that, people in these countries should have access to education. This should be provided by countries that are capable of doing that, because if we leave it for those developing countries. It might take a long time to offer sufficient services. Also, in harsh conditions, people would not expect their governments to provide them with a qualified education system unless the country is strong enough economically. On the other hand, I firmly believe that the governments of developing countries have to take responsibility to fight for their people and countries. There are some obvious reasons why I am saying that. One supportive claim is that wealthy nations should prioritize their citizens’ needs. Every state has the right to make the best provisions to their people. Not only this, but also keep their countries highly ranked in terms of economic improvements. They also need to bring further economic developments in some aspects such as education and health. Secondly, economic growth is something that can be achieved. There is a point in which any country can start from for a growing economy, and it could happen for any nation, regarding this Singapore is a shining example. Instead of waiting for food and education supplements from developed countries, they can work harder on fighting against corruption and introduce further transparency to their economies. In sum, I maintain that countries that have less money should be in charge of finding a way to develop the economy and make better provisions for their residents.
The necessity of helping poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
has
been debated
by the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
over the past few decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
be required
to support less productive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and sustenance.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who say that politicians and officials of underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are responsible for taking care of their citizens. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the reasons for those who believe in helping
The verb 'helping' is used with an infinitive: "to develop" or "develop".
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
as well
as justify my viewpoint on the matter.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
be required
to supply less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
through food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provisions. The main reason for this argument is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have difficult circumstances to deal with, this might be a natural or humanitarian disaster such as earthquakes or civil wars. Based on that, strong economies would be able to deliver
Possible spelling mistake found.
nourishments
to war-torn cities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Yemen and Syria in the Middle East. After that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This should
be provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that are capable of doing that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It might take a long time to offer sufficient services.
Also
, in harsh conditions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to provide them with a qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system unless the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
economically
.

On the other hand
, I
firmly
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take responsibility to fight for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious reasons why I am saying that. One supportive claim is that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should prioritize their citizens’ needs. Every state has the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best provisions to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
highly
ranked in terms of economic improvements. They
also
need to bring
further
economic developments in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and health.
Secondly
, economic growth is something that can
be achieved
. There is a point in which any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from for a growing economy, and it could happen for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, regarding this Singapore is a shining example.
Instead
of waiting for food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
supplements from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they can work harder on fighting against corruption and introduce
further
transparency to their economies.

In sum, I maintain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that have less money should be in charge of finding a way to develop the economy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better provisions for their residents.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as foods and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
412 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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