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The paragraph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v.1

The paragraph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 1
The invention of computers has benefited humankind to a great extent. There is an extensive use of computers across all sectors. The usage of computers has also increased in the field of education. Students nowadays have become more dependent on computers. In my essay I will share the various problems that arise from dependence on computers and will also share the possible solutions. However, there are some problems which can be caused from extensive use of computers. To begin with, it can be detrimental for health. When a student is spending a number of hours in front of a computer, it can strain his eyes. In addition, being that the information available on the system could be less reliable. As the information on a system can be gained easily, not all the information is reliable. This could also reduce the dependency a pupil would have on the books. This could affect the knowledge he would be gaining. Furthermore, are various solutions which, would help in reducing the, dependance a student has on a computer. The university can take measures such as making written assignments compulsory. This way the pupil will be forced to write and not type, which can reduce his hours on the system. Also, this could lead on students spending more time in the library. Parents should also limit a number of hours students spend on computers, as it could have adverse effects on their health. To conclude, though computers play a vital part in the life of the pupils. The over usage and dependence of the same can be detrimental for the health of the student. They should rather be encouraged to read books which could get them a more reliable source of information as compared to the internet.
The invention of computers has benefited humankind to a great extent. There is an extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers across all sectors. The usage of computers has
also
increased in the field of education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
nowadays have become more dependent on computers. In my essay I will share the various problems that arise from dependence on computers and will
also
share the possible solutions.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems which can
be caused
from extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it can be detrimental for health. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is spending a number of hours in front of a computer, it can strain his eyes.
In addition
, being that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
available on the system could be less reliable. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on a system can
be gained
easily
, not all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is reliable. This could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the dependency a pupil would have on the books. This could affect the knowledge he would be gaining.

Furthermore
, are various solutions which, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependance
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has on a computer. The university can take measures such as making written assignments compulsory. This way the pupil will
be forced
to write and not type, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
his hours on the system.
Also
, this could lead on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spending more time in the library. Parents should
also
limit a number of hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend on computers, as it could have adverse effects on their health.

To conclude
, though computers play a vital part in the life of the pupils. The over usage and dependence of the same can be detrimental for the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. They should
rather
be encouraged
to read books which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them a more reliable source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as compared to the internet.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The paragraph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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