Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Ielts 7 test 2 writing task1. The graph below shows consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

Ielts 7 test 2 writing task1. The graph below shows consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
Due to the advancement of the technology and transportation, the whole world has turned into a global village. While some think that it has more advantages, others opine that this development has more drawbacks. This essay will discuss both views of the statement, however, I believe that the globalization is a positive development. First of all, the main advantage of the globalization is an expansion of the economies of the nations. This is due to the development of trade, namely an export and import of the products between the countries without any barriers. The wheat and maize, for example, send from India to all over the world. Secondly, it increases the migration of people and dissemination or scattering of information among the population of human. In other words, people not only move from one country to an another, but also garner the knowledge of the different cultures. Therefore, the globalization makes the countries financially rich and allow people to live anywhere they want. On the other hand, the one main drawback of the globalization is the disappearance of the different cultures and the traditions. Countries are becoming more and more similar and people of the distinct regions adopt a similar culture. For example, in India, most of the people prefer to wear the western or modern clothes instead of their own traditional ones. So, this development directly affects the variety of the cultures of different countries. Moreover, it also affects the tourism industry because of similarity between the nations. In conclusion, although the globalisation has a negative impact on the cultures, I believe that it has more positives, such as an economic growth and spread the population in different parts of the world.
Due to the advancement of the technology and transportation, the whole world has turned into a global village. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has more advantages, others opine that this development has more drawbacks. This essay will discuss both views of the statement,
however
, I believe that the globalization is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main advantage of the globalization is an expansion of the economies of the nations. This is due to the development of trade,
namely
an export and import of the products between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
without any barriers. The wheat and maize,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
from India to all over the world.
Secondly
, it increases the migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and dissemination or scattering of information among the population of human.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "," or "another ,".
an another,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
garner the knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Therefore
, the globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
financially
rich and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
anywhere they want.

On the other hand
, the one main drawback of the globalization is the disappearance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and the traditions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
are becoming more and more similar and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the distinct regions adopt a similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For example
, in India, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to wear the western or modern clothes
instead
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditional ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this development
directly
affects the variety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Moreover
, it
also
affects the tourism industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of similarity between the nations.

In conclusion
, although the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, I believe that it has more positives, such as an economic growth and spread the population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Ielts 7 test 2 writing task1. The graph below shows consumption of fish and different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts