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Using the example from the lecture, explain how people’s behavior is affected by reference groups. v.1

Using the example from the lecture, explain how people’s behavior is affected by reference groups. v. 1
Today media has more influence on our live's more than ever before, many newspapers have evolved their publications to successfully cater to every aspect of life. Many people are of the opinion that the media have a right to publish people's personal information while other's argue that it should be regulated. Both opinions carry certain benefits and disadvantages, some of them are stated below. It's a common practice among the many publisher's around the world to publish details of the renowned and inspiring individuals personal details and struggles which eventually led them to fame and limelight. This in many scenarios can be seen as a positive thing as it helps to motivate people and helps struggling people to have something to look up to. Many of these stories have inspired people around the world and many of the greats of today were inspired by someone's story from the past. However, many publications often reveal the identities and information of people who don't want to be in the news. For instance, after tragic accidents its prevalent among media outlet's to reveal the identity of people's without their approval and many a times, this has a negative effect on their mental well being. There are many sensitive issues in our society and in run for getting more readership reporters often disregard the consent of the people concerned with those matter's. In conclusion, an effective regulatory body can be created to overlook the content publish by media houses. It can be made mandatory to have people's approval before printing their personal details on newspapers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has more influence on our
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "lives"?
live's
more than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
newspapers have evolved their publications to
successfully
cater to every aspect of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have a right to publish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's personal information while
Consider using the plural form here: "others".
other's
argue that it should
be regulated
. Both opinions carry certain benefits and disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
are stated
below.

It's a common practice among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'publisher'.
publisher's
around the world to publish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the renowned and inspiring individuals personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and struggles which
eventually
led them to fame and limelight. This in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scenarios can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to struggle" or "struggle".
struggling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have something to look up to.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these stories have inspired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the greats of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
were inspired
by someone's story from the past.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
publications
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reveal the identities and information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who don't want to be in the news.
For instance
, after tragic accidents its prevalent among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outlet's to reveal the identity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's without their approval and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a time" or simply "times"?
a times
, this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sensitive issues in our society and in run for getting more readership reporters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
disregard the consent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concerned with those
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "matters"?
matter's
.

In conclusion
, an effective regulatory body can
be created
to overlook the content publish by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. It can
be made
mandatory to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's approval
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
printing their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
on newspapers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using the example from the lecture, explain how people’s behavior is affected by reference groups. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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