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The graphe below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The graphe below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
At present, International tourism is considered the biggest source of income in the world. However, global touring creates more conflicts rather than harmony between people from different background. In my opinion, I disagree that international tourism generates more troubles between people from different background as it will greatly benefit both individual and countries. A good reason for promoting global tourism is that it will positively strengthen the ties between both countries and individuals. Currently, universal tourism is considered one of the biggest, and most influential business in the world. This would lead most of the countries around the world to have good relations with their neighbors in order to protect this source of income. For example, around three-quarters of the tourists who came to Egypt are driving from the USA so accordingly the relationship between Egypt and the USA is so strong in the meantime. Another point to consider is that global touring will result in helping the individuals to know each other’s cultures, and lowering the racism rate between people from different background. In other words, if there is an individual who gets to know the traditional custom of a certain kind of people; this will help him or her to accept it if they saw someone is wearing it in their community. This can be used to promote harmony and to abolish the racist outlook between people from different background. Finally, universal tourism is also beneficial because it will result in developing social contacts between people. For instance, one of my friends participated in a competition that allows him to visit the USA with other people from 12 different countries. This helped him to increase his social networks and to know the conventional lifestyles of those people. Consequently, one of those people invited him to spend a week at his home. In conclusion, global touring is a must for any country that wants to reinforce the ties between other nations. Moreover, international tourism will bring greater rewards to individuals in terms of their behaviors and social life.
At present, International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is considered
the biggest source of income in the world.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
touring creates more conflicts
rather
than harmony between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
background. In my opinion, I disagree that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
generates more troubles between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
background as it will
greatly
benefit both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and countries.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason for promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is that it will
positively
strengthen the ties between both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
Currently
, universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is considered
one of the biggest, and most influential business in the world. This would lead most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
around the world to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations with their neighbors in order to protect this source of income.
For example
, around three-quarters of the tourists who came to Egypt are driving from the USA
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
accordingly
the relationship between Egypt and the USA is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
strong in the meantime.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
touring will result in helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
cultures, and lowering the racism rate between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
background. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to know the traditional custom of a certain kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
; this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him or her to accept it if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
someone is wearing it in their community. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to promote harmony and to abolish the racist outlook between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
background.

Finally
, universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is
also
beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will result in developing social contacts between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, one of my friends participated in a competition that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
him to visit the USA with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to increase his social networks and to know the conventional lifestyles of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, one of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
invited him to spend a week at his home.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
touring is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that wants to reinforce the ties between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations.
Moreover
, international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
will bring greater rewards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in terms of their behaviors and social life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The graphe below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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