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The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree? v.2

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 2
In today’s society, nobody can deny that they find it typical for crimes to be committed by juveniles. It is believed that the increasing rate of young offenders is constructed from lousy parenting. As a consequence, it is suggested that parents are the only ones who must have the obligations to be more educated about the care of their adolescents. I disagree with this statement as we need to take into account the other factors that may help in reducing the crime rate of youngsters, instead of instructing parents parental skills. There is no doubt that educating parents these skills is crucial in guiding their child’s behaviour, as parents play as an important role model and are the biggest influences to their kids. It has been learned that children will react in a way that has been affected by their role models, thus parents that condone violence within their families or to others will set a bad example for their children. Researchers have said that a considerable amount of kids belonging to a happy family may be a benefit compared to those who are from a troublesome one. This is provided that the child is grown up in a positive environment. However, parents aren’t all to blame since there are many factors that must be taken into account that could make a child have bad behavior. Children these days learn from everything they see. For instance, social media is a very effective aspect in shaping a child’s conduct. There is a considerably large difference between children who watch or play violent games and children who watch calm stuff. Many parents control what their child plays and watches but there is a limit for what parents can do. Another factor that would be a risk to the falling victim to crime is the negative peer pressure. Children learn a considerable amount from their friends which could be a threat towards a child. This seems that children should play with friends but children shouldn’t play without direct supervision and parents should give codes of conduct and make ground rules. In conclusion, although parents play a major role in embodying a child’s attitude, I however do not believe that parents should be blamed for all of a child's behavior. Since there are more reasons that parents can’t all control.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society, nobody can deny that they find it typical for crimes to
be committed
by juveniles. It
is believed
that the increasing rate of young offenders
is constructed
from lousy parenting. As a consequence, it
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the obligations to be more educated about the care of their adolescents. I disagree with this statement as we need to take into account the other factors that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the crime rate of youngsters,
instead
of instructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

There is no doubt that educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is crucial in guiding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role model and are the biggest influences to their kids. It has
been learned
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will react in a way that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their role models,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that condone violence within their families or to others will set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Researchers have said that a considerable amount of kids belonging to a happy family may be a benefit compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are from a troublesome one. This
is provided
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is grown
up in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
aren’t all to blame since there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
these days learn from everything they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
For instance
, social media is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective aspect in shaping a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
conduct. There is a
considerably
large difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
violent games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
calm stuff.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
control what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a limit for what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can do. Another factor that would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to the falling victim to crime is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
peer pressure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
learn a considerable amount from their friends which could be a threat towards a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. This seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
shouldn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
without direct supervision and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give codes of conduct and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ground
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a major role in embodying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
attitude, I
however
do not believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be blamed
for all of a child's behavior.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
there are more reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can’t all control.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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