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In some area of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.13

In some area of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 13
It is often argued that the teenagers are banned to go outside after a deep night without their parents’ permission. Although walking under the bright lights in the street are safe, I personally believe that youth students should follow what adults say. First of all, it would be committed a crime if they are outside at night. When they go out without knowing their parents or any other guardians, they could be targeted by criminals. For example, homeless people approach them and might sell some drugs such as weed or more and then students abuse those drugs as a curiosity. This consequence might be increasing the crimes in our society. Furthermore, sexual assaults would increase for female students particularly because some alcohols or drugs make people lose their control. So, female students cannot resist that criminals. Secondly, it might be illegal when they go out at night in some states. People who are under 18 are not legal adult in a law, so they must be protected by guardians. For instance, if they have an accident, their parents should take care of them such paying money for injuries because youth people cannot afford to pay. It seems like they are permitted to go out when their guardians with them. In conclusion, young people of being outside are forbidden after a specific time at night with no permission by their adults. The adults should lead and protect their children from any hazard because this is what the parents’ obligation to take care of their lovely children.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are banned
to go outside after a deep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
permission. Although walking under the bright lights in the street are safe, I
personally
believe that youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should follow what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
say.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it would
be committed
a crime if they are outside at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. When they go out without knowing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or any other guardians, they could
be targeted
by criminals.
For example
, homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
approach them and might sell
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drugs such as weed or more and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
abuse those drugs as a curiosity. This consequence might be increasing the crimes in our society.
Furthermore
, sexual assaults would increase for female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
particularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alcohols or drugs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their control.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot resist that criminals.

Secondly
, it might be illegal when they go out at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are under 18 are not legal adult in a law,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be protected
by guardians.
For instance
, if they have an accident, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take care of them such paying money for injuries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford to pay. It seems like they
are permitted
to go out when their guardians with them.

In conclusion
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of being outside
are forbidden
after a specific time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
with no permission by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should lead and protect their children from any hazard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
obligation to take care of their lovely children.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some area of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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