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Success comes to people because of hard work, not because of luck. How far do you agree to this statement. v.1

Success comes to people because of hard work, not because of luck. How far v. 1
When someone succeeds, people often attribute that to luck. While I admit that luck may have a role to play here, I don’t know anyone who achieved success only because of luck. Therefore, I disagree with the argument that success or failure is a matter of good or bad luck. If we look around it is not hard to see that most people who achieved success in life had faced many hardships in their early life. Apple INC’s Steve Jobs, for example, was given up for adoption immediately after he was born. He faced hardships in his early life but went on to found one of the most enduring businesses in the world. Steve Jobs never attributed his success to luck. Neither did Bill Gates, the richest man in the world. They were visionaries who toiled hard to win their goals. Helen Keller, whose story continues to inspire millions of people even today, didn’t even have many faculties that we take for granted. She could neither hear nor speak but none of these disabilities prevented her from achieving what she wanted in life. There are several such examples of people who fought against all odds to achieve their goals. Many of them came from backgrounds that we consider unlucky. Still through determination, dedication and hard work they were able to achieve success, fame and money. Of course, there are a few people who achieved success because of good luck. Children born to rich and famous parents, for example, do not have to struggle to become famous or rich. We can perhaps attribute their success to luck but in reality such success does not last long. To conclude, if a person is determined to succeed nothing, not even bad luck, can prevent them from achieving what they want. Fortune, after all, favours the brave
When someone succeeds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attribute that to luck. While I admit that luck may have a role to play here, I don’t know anyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of luck.
Therefore
, I disagree with the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
or failure is a matter of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
luck.

“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we look around it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
had faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hardships in their early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Apple INC’s Steve Jobs,
for example
, was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
up for adoption immediately after he
was born
. He faced hardships in his early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
went on to found one of the most enduring businesses in the world. Steve Jobs never attributed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
to luck. Neither did Bill Gates, the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in the world. They were visionaries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
toiled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to win their goals.

Helen Keller, whose story continues to inspire millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, didn’t even have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
faculties that we take for granted. She could neither hear nor speak
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
none of these disabilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
her from achieving what she wanted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are several such examples of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
fought against all odds to achieve their goals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them came from backgrounds that we consider unlucky.
Still
through determination, dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work they were able to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, fame and money.

Of course
, there are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
luck. Children born to rich and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
parents,
for example
, do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
or rich. We can perhaps attribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
to luck
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in reality such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
does not last long.

To conclude
, if a person
is determined
to succeed nothing, not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
luck, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from achieving what they want. Fortune,
after all
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
the brave
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Success comes to people because of hard work, not because of luck. How far v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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