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Modern Technology is now very common in most work place. How do you think this has changed way it worked? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology. v.2

Nowadays, The usage of technology is becoming lifeline for the organizations. There is no doubt that the new machinery has eased the routine activities for the companies, however systems based on artificial intelligence needs calibration and might not be trusted entirely. In my opinion, automation is required for any organisation but, it cannot be trusted for every task. This essay will discuss about the benefits and disadvantages of technology dependencies. Automated systems had been used for almost all the daily tasks like attendance, building access, meeting rooms booking etc. Over a decade, these new systems had contributed to the profit of the organisation and significantly increased the reliability and performance of various departments' activities. This would also introduce transparency in the workplace by logging the individuals' activities and maintaining a database. For instance, it would be easy for the storekeeper to maintain the database of shared resources which would help him to track the items. Similarly, the attendance machine helped a payroll official to track half day leaves and latecomers to the office. There is no denial about the contribution of engineering devices and softwares to the industry. However, the devices and applications which are developed to help an individual are based on algorithms and past data points which made them more reliable in defined scenarios. Human is part of the dynamic world where a lot of events happened first time. Keeping the design approached of a device in consideration, it would be difficult to predict the response of system in unknown circumstances. For example, a storekeeper had issued a key to a person and that entry is lost while entering the data because of system bug. This would make difficult to track the key. It is always better to be dependent, but it should not cross limits, as these are the systems developed by people who had chances of making mistakes. To sum up, it is always better to have innovations and new technologies in place which helps an individual to make life easier. At the same time, people should check the usage of devices and keep them calibrated with the latest updates which would help to provide the best results.
Nowadays, The usage of technology is becoming lifeline for the organizations. There is no doubt that the new machinery has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
the routine activities for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
based on artificial intelligence needs calibration and might not
be trusted
entirely
. In my opinion, automation
is required
for any
Do not mix variants of the same word (‘organisation’ and ‘organization’) within a single text.
organisation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it cannot
be trusted
for every task. This essay will
Did you mean simply “discuss the”? You do not need the word “about” here.
discuss about the
benefits and disadvantages of technology dependencies.

Automated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for almost all the daily tasks like attendance, building access, meeting rooms booking etc. Over a decade, these new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
had contributed to the profit of the
Do not mix variants of the same word (‘organisation’ and ‘organization’) within a single text.
organisation
and
significantly
increased the reliability and performance of various departments' activities. This would
also
introduce transparency in the workplace by logging the individuals' activities and maintaining a database.
For instance
, it would be easy for the storekeeper to maintain the database of shared resources which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the items.
Similarly
, the attendance machine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
a payroll official to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
half day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and latecomers to the office. There is no denial about the contribution of engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and
In standard English, the noun “softwares” is uncountable. Consider using an alternative.
softwares
to the industry.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and applications which
are developed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
an individual
are based
on algorithms and past data points which made them more reliable in defined scenarios. Human is part of the dynamic world where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happened
first
time. Keeping the design approached of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
in consideration, it would be difficult to predict the response of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in unknown circumstances.
For example
, a storekeeper had issued a key to a person and that entry
is lost
while entering the data
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
bug. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the key. It is always better to be dependent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not cross limits, as these are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
developed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who had chances of making mistakes.

To sum up, it is always better to have innovations and new technologies in place which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
an individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easier. At the same time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them calibrated with the latest updates which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to provide the best results.
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IELTS essay Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think has changed the way we worked? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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