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The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree? v.12

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 12
The crime rates of young adults are rapidly increasing in many parts of the world. It is suggested that in order to control such increase, it is better to provide parents better child caring skills. I completely agree with the statement as I believe that unless the foundation is not strong enough, the rest of the development is useless. Parenting skills are often ignored in many societies. Many people believe that schools can only make a child a responsible citizen in the future. However, this is not true because it is parents’ responsibility to make understand their children between the good and bad and strictly punish them if they go against them. Thus, with the passage of time they will learn that not abiding the rules can cause serious consequences and ultimately they will not become an outlaw. For instance, many teenagers are often over loved by their parents and then they do not even know how to respect the society resulting in the often breach of law and regulations in place. In addition, it is quite obvious that without a good guardian, children could not learn the difference between the right and wrong. On needs to understand the impact of bad parenting can have on children because there is also an increasing trend of both parents working which can make a child feel alone and disconnected with their family. For instance, the crime rate of teenagers is increasingly rapidly and this could be due to families becoming more nuclear and not having the support or wisdom of elders in the family. In conclusion, unless efforts are made to provide better guidance regarding parenting skills, the problems and the crime rates will only escalate. As I believe that is first the parents’ responsibility to understand their kids the difference between right and wrong enabling them to become a good citizen.
The crime rates of young adults are
rapidly
increasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world. It
is suggested
that in order to control such increase, it is better to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
better child caring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement as I believe that unless the foundation is not strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, the rest of the development is useless.

Parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that schools can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child a responsible citizen in the future.
However
, this is not true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
understand their children between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and
strictly
punish them if they go against them.
Thus
, with the passage of time they will learn that not abiding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
can cause serious consequences and
ultimately
they will not become an outlaw.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
then they do not even know how to respect the society resulting in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
breach of law and regulations in place.

In addition
, it is quite obvious that without a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
guardian, children could not learn the difference between the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. On needs to understand the impact of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
parenting can have on children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is
also
an increasing trend of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
working which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a child feel alone and disconnected with their family.
For instance
, the crime rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is
increasingly
rapidly
and this could be due to families becoming more nuclear and not having the support or wisdom of elders in the family.

In conclusion
, unless efforts
are made
to provide better guidance regarding parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, the problems and the crime rates will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
escalate. As I believe
that is
first
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
responsibility to understand their kids the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
enabling them to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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