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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.7

Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. v. 7
As the previous decade has been considered as the Industrial revolution similarly this decade will be considered as a cultural revolution. And due to extreme attraction of people to the Western culture and lifestyle, many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older. While other people are against it and framing it as a wrong practice, I take it as a better approach to survive in this competitive world. Instead of having disadvantages on my take I am explaining it to prove that it is a more efficient and appropriate style. My opinion is discussed further. Firstly, if parents leave their children in an open world, young people can learn how to survive on their own. For example, if teenager will leave their parents, they will see the struggle and the critical path of success. Whether they like it or not, but people of age between 20 to 40 will grow too much physically, mentally and internally if they survive on their own. Moreover, as they are on their own they understand everything more clearly and choose their path wisely. Another thing is, young people can take decisions for themselves. Independence is not something which only ruins you it is also something which shows you what you truly are and how capable you are for any circumstances. In contrast, some people also say that encouragement to young people for leaving home after particular age is worthless and should be stopped. If they leave home, then they forget about the family. This is a vital argument which is true also, in some cases, but it depends on how parents take care of their children in early age. Another argument is, they say independent people chooses the wrong track like consuming alcohol, drugs etc. And turned out to be a criminal or a useless abandoned person. This point also has some merit. In conclusion, as there are several aspects to think about this situation, and taking most of them into consideration, I say it is the best choice to encourage teenagers to leave the house after a certain period. It has its pros and cons, but if one sees from both sides, then it is the best and most appropriate option.
As the previous decade has
been considered
as the Industrial revolution
similarly
this decade will
be considered
as a
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
cultural revolution
. And due to extreme attraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the Western culture and lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
home when they become older. While other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against it and framing it as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
practice, I take it as a better approach to survive in this competitive world.
Instead
of having disadvantages on my take I am explaining it to prove that it is a more efficient and appropriate style. My opinion
is discussed
further
.

Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their children in an open world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn how to survive on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the struggle and the critical path of success. Whether they like it or not,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 20 and 40".
between 20 to 40
will grow too much
physically
, mentally and
internally
if they survive on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Moreover
, as they are on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
they understand everything more
clearly
and choose their path
wisely
. Another thing is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take decisions for themselves. Independence is not something which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ruins you it is
also
something which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
you what you
truly
are and how capable you are for any circumstances.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
say that encouragement to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for leaving home after particular age is worthless and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
home, then they forget about the family. This is a vital argument which is true
also
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it depends on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take care of their children in early age. Another argument is, they say independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
chooses
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
like consuming alcohol, drugs etc. And turned out to be a criminal or a useless abandoned person. This point
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merit.

In conclusion
, as there are several aspects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about this situation, and taking most of them into consideration, I say it is the best choice to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
after a certain period. It has its pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
from both sides, then it is the best and most appropriate option.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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