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The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree? v.11

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 11
The number of crimes committed by young people is increasing. Some think that the solution to this problem is to educate parents about a better parenting technique. I fully agree with this idea and believe that children's characters formed at home. This essay will first discuss the way parents respond to children's mistakes can reduce violence acts and then talk about the importance of giving enough attention to kids. First of all, many adults punish their sons or daughters physically, such as hitting and slapping, when they do not act as expected. This will give the kids an understanding that they can physically intimidate others who do not give them what they want when they grow bigger and have stronger bodies. For example, a recent research found that 75% of young offenders had frequently received physical abuses when they were little kids. In my opinion, it can be turned the opposite if parents punish their children proportionally, and not always physical. In addition, due to the nature of today's society when both parents are at work in most of the time, children are often left unattended at home. This makes children do not have a reference to their acts because their parents do not tell which is good or bad. As a result, they grow as adolescences who cannot determine what is right or wrong, and a number of violence is happening because this. For example, a recent study showed that 80% among young convicts had their mothers and fathers were mostly out for work when they were little. In my opinion, frequent interactions between parents and kids can prevent the kids to become criminals. In conclusion, the most effective method to prevent young people from committing crimes is to teach adults the proper ways to become parents. This essay discussed how punishing kids physically can turn them into criminals and also the lack of parents' attention can result in ignorance young people.
The number of crimes committed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
increasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the solution to this problem is to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about a better parenting technique. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that children's characters formed at home. This essay will
first
discuss the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
respond to children's mistakes can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
violence acts and then talk about the importance of giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention to kids.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults punish their sons or daughters
physically
, such as hitting and slapping, when they do not act as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
. This will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
an understanding that they can
physically
intimidate others who do not give them what they want when they grow bigger and have stronger bodies.
For example
, a recent research found that 75% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders had
frequently
received physical abuses when they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. In my opinion, it can
be turned
the opposite if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
punish their children
proportionally
, and not always physical.

In addition
, due to the nature of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society when both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are at work in most of the time, children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unattended at home. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
children do not have a reference to their acts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
As a result
, they grow as adolescences who cannot determine what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and
Possible agreement error. The noun violence seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much violence", "a good deal of violence".
a number of violence
is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this.
For example
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 80% among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
convicts had their mothers and fathers were
mostly
out for work when they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
. In my opinion, frequent interactions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to become criminals.

In conclusion
, the most effective method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from committing crimes is to teach adults the proper ways to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This essay discussed how punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
physically
can turn them into criminals and
also
the lack of parents' attention can result in ignorance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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