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Some people are of the opinion that the best gift to give teenagers is Money, others think otherwise. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people are of the opinion that the best gift to give teenagers is Money, others think otherwise. 1
The opinions of people differ regarding the kind of gifts to be given to adolescents. Some think cash is best, while others believe that other things are more beneficial. In my opinion, I opine that money probably has the greatest advantages. On the one hand, it is thought by some that material items apart from money are more encouraging. In other words, they believe that it would save them the stress of being spendthrifts. That is, they would not have the option of buying irrelevant items and in the long run, get the best because, adults are more experienced in getting more durable and quality goods. Although, some might have a better judgement when materials are to be purchased, but most are amateurs, hence tangible things are better. On the other hand, others are of the school of thought that monetary gifts are more reasonable and I stand with this. To clarify, this act helps them to be more economically buoyant and independent. In addition, not only would this expose them to the financial world, but would also help them to understand and balance income and expenditure. Furthermore, when cash is given to youngsters, they could save for future purpose and some might buy pressing needs that an adult might not be able to decipher. In as much as handling money could be disadvantageous sometimes, most times it boosts their self esteem and helps them keep their heads in the air among their contemporaries. For instance, teens with cash flow were found to be socially stable in the colleges than others who have possessions that are not useful. In conclusion, despite the various views of people on what gifts teenagers should be given, I believe that monetary gifts are best because of the several benefits accrued to it
The opinions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
differ regarding the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to adolescents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "(think)"?
think
cash is best, while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things are more beneficial. In my opinion, I opine that money
probably
has the greatest advantages.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that material items apart from money are more encouraging. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they believe that it would save them the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of being spendthrifts.
That is
, they would not have the option of buying irrelevant items and in the long run,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, adults are more experienced in getting more durable and quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might have a better judgement when materials are to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most are amateurs,
hence
tangible things are better.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others are of the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are more reasonable and I stand with this. To clarify, this act
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be more
economically
buoyant and independent.
In addition
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would this expose them to the financial world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand and balance income and expenditure.
Furthermore
, when cash is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to youngsters, they could save for future purpose and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might
Did you mean "by"?
buy
pressing needs that an adult might not be able to decipher. In as much as handling money could be disadvantageous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, most times it boosts their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their heads in the air among their contemporaries.
For instance
, teens with cash flow
were found
to be
socially
stable in the colleges than others who have possessions that are not useful.

In conclusion
, despite the various views of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, I believe that monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
are best
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the several benefits accrued to it
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are of the opinion that the best gift to give teenagers is Money, others think otherwise. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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