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Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good membes of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. . v.1

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good membes of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. . v. 1
Whether children should be guided by their parents to have appropriate manners in society later on is still a source of controversy. Some people, however, assert that this job is designated for schools. Two sides of this issue will be discussed as follows and I will illustrate my own point of view. Parents are undeniably indispensable in forming the characteristics of children. Since youngsters spend the majority of their childhood being with their parents, their personality traits will be unavoidably affected by the parents’ behaviours. As a result, parents are automatically responsible for guiding children to become those who can positively contribute their value to society. This is a totally natural part in child-rearing which can be seen everywhere in the world. For example, Vietnamese parents are prone to teach their children by themselves rather than sending them to kindergarten. Therefore, they can have a closer and stronger connection with their children and a better communication among family members. On the other hand, some do believe that schools are a more suitable approach to teach children how to become good citizens. To be more exact, at schools, children can learn from their teachers, who are also parents, the characteristics that are necessary for their adulthoods like hard-working or respecting others. In addition, as parents are increasingly busier for business nowadays, schools are continually changing the way they teach children basic qualities to help parents in up-bringing. For instance, by integrating unpaid community service activities into the schools’ curricula, American students have acquired responsibility as their core moral value. To conclude, it is still disputable whether who should be responsible for guiding children to become well-behaved citizens. I personally think that parents and schools are of equal importance. Children are deserved to receive instruction from both sources, as this combination will greatly benefit them.
“Whether” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be guided
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to have appropriate manners in society later on is
still
a source of controversy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
, assert that this job
is designated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Two sides of this issue will
be discussed
as follows and I will illustrate my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
point of view.

Parents are
undeniably
indispensable in forming the characteristics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since youngsters spend the majority of their childhood being with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, their personality traits will be
unavoidably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
automatically
responsible for guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become those who can
positively
contribute their value to society. This is a
totally
natural part in child-rearing which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
everywhere in the world.
For example
, Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are prone to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by themselves
rather
than sending them to kindergarten.
Therefore
, they can have a closer and stronger connection with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and a better communication among family members.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are a more suitable approach to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens. To be more exact, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn from their teachers, who are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the characteristics that are necessary for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
adulthoods
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working or respecting others.
In addition
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
increasingly
busier for business nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
continually
changing the way they teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
basic qualities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in up-bringing.
For instance
, by integrating unpaid community service activities into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools’
curricula, American students have acquired responsibility as their core moral value.

To conclude
, it is
still
disputable whether who should be responsible for guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become well-behaved citizens. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are of equal importance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are deserved
to receive instruction from both sources, as this combination will
greatly
benefit them.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good membes of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. . v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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