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The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.9

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. v. 9
It is believed that the amount of traffic in cities today can only be reduced by cutting down the demand for people to leave home for work, study, and shopping. Personally, I disagree that this is the best way to tackle this problem in modern society. Firstly, it is difficult to do all the work from home. Doctors, engineers, teachers, sales managers and many other professionals are expected to attend their offices and meet customers and carry out their duties. For example, medical professionals cannot examine and diagnose individuals specifically if they implement at home and try to listen to the symptom of their patients by mobile phone. Similarly, many specialized classes, like that, include field trips and practical experiments, and an online course can not provide such facilities. Digital classrooms cannot be compared with classroom teaching, and the essence of the objects can only be determined from the pictures on a laptop or tablet. Furthermore, it can cause health problems like diabetes, obesity or hypertension, if somebody is confined to one place for a long to avoid being outside for their daily needs and professional duties. This would ultimately contribute to various psychiatric and social-cultural issues. In certain cases, for instance, a lack of communication with others may cause depression. To put it another way, the risks of that they need to fly will outweigh its benefits. In my opinion, there are other ways to reduce traffic in cities. The government should encourage people to use public transportations. There are some forms of public transportations that are very convenient and can help to reduce the traffic problem now, such as buses or by cycle. In addition to this, the government could inform people about the effects of using cars on the environment. In this way, people will cooperate with the government while they know about high qualified public transport and harmful effects of cars’ fume. In conclusion, it could be one approach to provide people convenient ways by which they need less travelling, however, may be this approach would not work or be provided on these days. Of course, there are several steps which can be taken by governments such as improving public transport and roads or setting some rules for using cars.
It
is believed
that the amount of traffic in cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by cutting down the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home for work, study, and shopping.
Personally
, I disagree that this is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to tackle this problem in modern society.

Firstly
, it is difficult to do all the work from home. Doctors, engineers, teachers, sales managers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other professionals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to attend their offices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
customers and carry out their duties.
For example
, medical professionals cannot examine and diagnose individuals
specifically
if they implement at home and try to listen to the symptom of their patients by mobile phone.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
specialized classes, like that, include field trips and practical experiments, and an online course can not provide such facilities. Digital classrooms cannot
be compared
with classroom teaching, and the essence of the objects can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be determined
from the pictures on a laptop or tablet.

Furthermore
, it can cause health problems like diabetes, obesity or hypertension, if somebody
is confined
to one place for a long to avoid being outside for their daily needs and professional duties. This would
ultimately
contribute to various psychiatric and social-cultural issues. In certain cases,
for instance
, a lack of communication with others may cause depression. To put it another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of that they need to
fly
will outweigh its benefits.

In my opinion, there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
traffic in cities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportations. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportations that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the traffic problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, such as buses or by cycle.
In addition
to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the effects of using cars on the environment. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will cooperate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
while they know about high qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport and harmful effects of cars’ fume.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, it could be one approach to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
by which they need less travelling,
however
, may be this approach would not work or
be provided
on these days.
Of course
, there are several steps which can
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
such as improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport and roads or setting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for using cars.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
374 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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