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The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. v. 7
Nowadays, traffic has become a major problem, especially to the people who are living in the cities, and many have an opinion that this can be reduced if people stop travelling to their workplaces, education centres and also to shopping areas. I disagree with this viewpoint because shutting down things is not a solution to the problem. Firstly, there are many jobs or professions which cannot be done from home like the doctors, lawyers, daily-wage earners and salespeople. Moreover, they must be physically present in order to solve the major problems and this is possible only if they travel from one place to another. For instance, if the doctors stay at home without travelling to their work area, then there will be a major life loss. Secondly, if people sit down at home and do their shopping or banking transactions and also their daily work without even travelling to that place, then they cannot be socialized. Moreover, there won't be any face to face communication, due to this there are other major issues which people might undergo like health issues, psychological disturbances, the improper behaviour and mannerisms. For example, if children attend online classes for completing their education without going to schools or colleges, they will not have a friendly bonding with the teachers as well as with the fellow students. On the other hand, if people are not travelling from a place to another, then the jobs of many people will be at stake. Furthermore, this will lead to the downfall of many automobile companies and people will become jobless. Indeed, this industry adds one of the major contributions to the economy of the country. For example, the railways are one of the important modes of commuter, where millions of people travel in order to reach their destination faster, and if people stop travelling, then the train drivers and other workers will not have any work and the railways will be a major loss to the government. In conclusion, to stop the travelling is not a feasible solution, rather the government can try to expand the roads or also try to reduce the population in cities in order to lower the fast-increasing traffic.
Nowadays, traffic has become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
problem,
especially
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living in the cities, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have an opinion that this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to their workplaces, education
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and
also
to shopping areas. I disagree with this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
shutting down things is not a solution to the problem.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs or professions which cannot
be done
from home like the doctors, lawyers, daily-wage earners and salespeople.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
physically
present in order to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
problems and this is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they travel from one place to another.
For instance
, if the doctors stay at home without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to their work area, then there will be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
life loss.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sit down at home and do their shopping or banking transactions and
also
their daily work without even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to that place, then they cannot
be socialized
.
Moreover
, there won't be any face to face communication, due to this there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
issues which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might undergo like health issues, psychological disturbances, the improper
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and mannerisms.
For example
, if children attend online classes for completing their education without going to schools or colleges, they will not have a friendly bonding with the teachers
as well
as with the fellow students.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
from a place to another, then the jobs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be at stake.
Furthermore
, this will lead to the downfall of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
automobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become jobless.
Indeed
, this industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
contributions to the economy of the country.
For example
, the railways are one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
modes of commuter, where millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel in order to reach their destination faster, and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
, then the train drivers and other workers will not have any work and the railways will be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
loss to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is not a feasible solution,
rather
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can try to expand the roads or
also
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the population in cities in order to lower the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-increasing traffic.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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