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In many cities, CCTV cameras are being used in order to tackle crime. Is this a positive or a negative development? v.1

In many cities, CCTV cameras are being used in order to tackle crime. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1
Crime rates are soaring around the world. In order to protect citizens and deter offenders, many governments are installing CCTV systems throughout cities. Although some feel that this is an invasion of privacy, I believe that the increased surveillance is of great benefit to society. The major advantage of using security cameras is in the apprehension of criminals. Indeed, CCTV systems in homes, businesses and public spaces have been instrumental in catching people who have committed offences ranging from mugging to murder. When a Melbourne woman was killed in 2012, for instance, the CCTV footage of a city street was used to identify the perpetrator and bring him to justice within days. If this footage had not been captured, the man might still be roaming the streets, posing a danger to everyone. Clearly, these cameras play a valuable role in justice and law enforcement. In addition to this use in crime detection, CCTV systems can also act as effective deterrents. In other words, if a would-be offender sees a camera in the area, he or she would be much less likely to proceed due to concerns about being identified. This has been proven in Sydney where, since the number of cameras was increased recently, the crime rate, particularly the occurrence of violent crime, has dropped by over 10%. Such evidence strongly suggests that potential offenders are put off by the sight of a camera. In conclusion, cameras are becoming a part of modern cities, whether we like it or not. In my view, they are a welcome addition, bringing justice to victims and safer streets for law-abiding citizens.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
rates are soaring around the world. In order to protect citizens and deter offenders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are installing CCTV systems throughout cities. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that this is an invasion of privacy, I believe that the increased surveillance is of great benefit to society.

The major advantage of using security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
is in the apprehension of criminals.
Indeed
, CCTV systems in homes, businesses and public spaces have been instrumental in catching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have committed
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
ranging from mugging to murder. When a Melbourne woman
was killed
in 2012,
for instance
, the CCTV footage of a city street was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to identify the perpetrator and bring him to justice within days. If this footage had not
been captured
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
might
still
be roaming the streets, posing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to everyone.
Clearly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
play a valuable role in justice and law enforcement.

In addition
to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
detection, CCTV systems can
also
act as effective deterrents.
In other words
, if a would-be offender
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
camera
in the area, he or she would be much less likely to proceed due to concerns about
being identified
. This has
been proven
in Sydney where, since the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
was increased
recently, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate,
particularly
the occurrence of violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, has dropped by over 10%. Such evidence
strongly
suggests that potential offenders
are put
off by the sight of a camera.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
are becoming a part of modern cities, whether we like it or not. In my view, they are a welcome addition, bringing justice to victims and safer streets for law-abiding citizens.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In many cities, CCTV cameras are being used in order to tackle crime. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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