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The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. v. 2
Urbanization, the essential process of our modern world, gives many opportunities for people as well as causes issues related to space shortage. And traffic congestion is one of the biggest of this. Some people believe that movement demand reduction is the only solution for the problem. I do not agree with this opinion. First of all, I am convinced that the people`s need of travel is impossible to reduce, because the importance of being socialized is huge. Communication and social networks building help people to find a job, to make new friends, not to experience loneliness and just to feel themselves alive. Moreover, active lifestyle can prevent a number of diseases, such as heart diseases, hypertension, obesity and even depression. On the other hand, to improve the situation refers to traffic jams in cities government offers alternative ways, which I believe are more reasonable and human needs-oriented. For example, the mayor of Warsaw made all public transport free of charge to encourage citizens using their private cars less. The instance of Oslo and London shows that toll roads and paid parking increased fee in downtown reduces the traffic. Some people practice car sharing, which sounds to be a wise idea, because it helps to save money on buying fuel, time on driving in turn, and decrease a number of vehicles on roads. In conclusion, according to viewpoint of mine the limitation of human`s need in travelling does not work. There are implemented more suitable methods, which allow reducing traffic in cities, and to leave people the ability to be mobile.
Urbanization, the essential process of our modern world, gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as causes issues related to space shortage. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion is one of the biggest of this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that movement demand reduction is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution for the problem. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
am convinced
that the
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
need of travel is impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the importance of
being socialized
is huge. Communication and social networks building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a job, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends, not to experience loneliness and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to feel themselves alive.
Moreover
, active lifestyle can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a number of diseases, such as heart diseases, hypertension, obesity and even depression.

On the other hand
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation refers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jams in cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
offers alternative ways, which I believe are more reasonable and human needs-oriented.
For example
, the mayor of Warsaw made all public transport free of charge to encourage citizens using their private cars less. The instance of Oslo and London
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that toll roads and paid parking increased fee in downtown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
practice car sharing, which sounds to be a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to save money on buying fuel, time on driving in turn, and decrease a number of vehicles on roads.

In conclusion
, according to viewpoint of mine the limitation of
The character between 'human' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "human’s" (curly apostrophe) or "human's" (straight apostrophe).
human`s
need in travelling does not work. There
are implemented
more suitable methods, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
in cities, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the ability to be mobile.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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