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In some areas of US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion? v.1

In some areas of US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion? v. 1
Teenagers are the future leader of any nation. It is our responsibility to save them from all kinds of unwanted or criminal activities. Since it is very easy to motivate a teenager and S/he has not much capacity to understand the good or bad things, S/he can become a victim of crime. It is good for teenagers are not allowed to go out of the home without accompanied by an adult when a curfew is imposed. In recent days curfew is imposed and for a certain period at night, teenagers are not allowed to go out of the home without accompanied by an adult. There may happen many terrorist activities or any kind of political unrest situation. Many accidents may occur at that time. In that case administration takes the step. It may prevent teenagers from being robbed, kidnaps or getting drugs and so on. Also, the same thing may happen in the daytime, but the ratio is very low as because peoples are around him or her and a teenager cannot get more chance to be victimized. In the other hand, teenagers can easily be motivated by the perpetrator to do any kind of criminal activities like dealing drugs, bombing or convey any message between criminals. At night most of the person back from his work and take rest in some place where he gets comfy. Some areas may remain dark and silent because of having no arrangement of street light. It is very high time to do unwanted activities. Finally, it is true that the step that has taken in some areas is not the ultimate solution to prevent those activities, but the trends of criminal activities may decrease or low.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
are the future leader of any nation. It is our responsibility to save them from all kinds of unwanted or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Since it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to motivate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
and S/he has not much capacity to understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things, S/he can become a victim of crime. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go out of the home without accompanied by an adult when a curfew
is imposed
.

In recent
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
curfew
is imposed
and for a certain period at night,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go out of the home without accompanied by an adult. There may happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
terrorist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or any kind of political unrest situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
accidents may occur at that time.
In that case
administration takes the step. It may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from
being robbed
, kidnaps or getting drugs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Also
, the same thing may happen in the daytime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the ratio is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
peoples are around him or her and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more chance to
be victimized
.

In the other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can
easily
be motivated
by the perpetrator to do any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like dealing drugs, bombing or convey any message between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. At night most of the person back from his work and take rest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
place where he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
comfy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
areas may remain dark and silent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having no arrangement of street light. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high time to do unwanted activities.

Finally
, it is true that the step that has taken in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas is not the ultimate solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the trends of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may decrease or low.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In some areas of US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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